Wednesday, April 30, 2008

i have a devil sitting on my shoulder

ain't he cute? but he's such a little shit. there's so much crazy in my life right now, and he keeps trying to get me to use my blog to vent and say all the things i wish i'd said out loud. i mean, i totally could. it'd be so easy.

like, i COULD inquire as to how one could be so sure that they didn't do something heinous, when at the same time they're claiming that they don't have any recollection of anything at all.

or maybe i COULD ask another person if they would truly be satisfied with an apology that is essentially as empty as the air that the words were released into.

perhaps i could point out to yet another that the words they so thoughtfully copied and pasted and used against me were actually said in quite a different context than what they twisted them around to say. i COULD also mention that the e-mails that they c&p'd these words into and questioned so thoroughly were sent to a whole group of folks - except me. yup, i could do that.

maybe i could even express my frustration at their insistence upon labeling themselves as a neutral party, when it was so obviously the exact opposite.

and that damn devil really wants me to ask if those folks who are seemingly so quick and eager to believe the very worst of me even bothered to listen to my side of the story when it was presented. because it sure as hell feels like i've been tried and convicted.

then, i suppose, just for fun, i could point out that now i've actually been victimized twice - the first time being when i was very young, and now, in a completely different manner as an adult, when i've finally opened up and shared my experience. because i feel as though i've been belittled, labeled as a liar (of course, not in those exact words), and basically written off as a troublemaker. because i have so many reasons to make up shit like this. you know, it's just the way i roll.

and now the devil wonders how many of these words are going to be picked apart, dissected, and used to illustrate how much of a terrible person i MUST really be.

but you know what? i thought about it, and then i brushed that cute little devil right off my shoulder.

it's not worth it. i've closed that book and tossed it into the fireplace. as far as i'm concerned, it's over, and i'm standing there with a can of lighter fluid in one hand and a book of matches in the other.

i much prefer to keep my fun little blog FUN. i like talking about the hub, the kid, the bean. ooh, food! i love talking about food. and handbags! and what i did for the weekend, and hanging out with my SFAMs, and places i want to go, places i've been...

hey, look! the bean's taking a nap! and, as the kid said, she looks like a starfish.


;)

21 comments:

  1. That really is a cute devil. I'm adoring the pictures. Totally heightened my reading enjoyment today! =)

    Stay strong.

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  2. Hang in there. You your friends are behind you, and we back you 100%.

    (And, the pictures of the devil on your shoulder are very cute!)

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  3. damn. typo. *

    You know your friends*

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  4. You have a lot of willpower because that devil is so gosh darn cute and I'm a sucker for cute.

    The bean sleeps like me. In fact, I actually call it starfishing. As in "Oh you're going on a trip next weekend? I'm going to starfish all over the bed while you're gone"

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  5. OK, you are too cute. I love your devil photos.

    And you have the right attitude. If people want to label you, convict you, or determine you to be "something" unfairly, then it's just not worth the pain and effort to convince them otherwise. You have a wonderful life, home, and family. Wrap yourself up in what is wonderful, and leave the rest of the junk on the street corner. xoxo

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  6. Vent blogging is always tempting, but you are right to let it go.

    My friend always calls it starfishing. Sometimes that's her response when I text her "what's up?"

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  7. who knew the devil could be so darn cute? ;)

    but, on a serious note, you're right. it's just not worth it to spend all your energy thinking and worrying about it. i think that is probably easier said than done, but like jen said, we're all behind you. and you do have a great husband and two wonderful daughters and a whole mess of friends who love and support you.

    {{hugs}}

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  8. I want to know how long you spent making those damn devil pictures.

    I don't give into the devil.

    I am the devil.

    Muahahahahahaha.

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  9. you just made me chuckle, thank you. ;)

    and you are an amazingly strong woman, but you already knew that.

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  10. I like your devil. ;)

    Hang in there. They need to work through the process like you did/are. If after all is said and done and they still think the worst of you then fuck 'em. Hate to be mean, but it's pretty damned mean of "them" to act in such a manner. Your life is full and you will live on--with or without them. People are safer because you said something and if they never thank you, then I will.

    Thank you.

    P.S. Your starfish baby is cute. I think I might have to try napping like that some time. :)

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  11. Screw 'em. Seriously, you need people like that in your life about as much as you need an extra hole in your head. Keep your head up. The truth will set you free and as always, kharma is a bitch!

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  12. You did the right thing ^100. Looking at the pic of cutieface baby right after reading about the troubles you're having should just confirm that you did it all for the right reasons.

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  13. the way i see it, if people are trying so hard to defend something about someone else to the point that they will belittle you and drag your very existence through the mud on that person's behalf - well, it's just becasue deep down they are pretty sure that you are NOT lying and that it is all true and they're too scared to admit it.

    you are such a strong person and i think you did the right thing by finally letting it out and expressing it. even though you never imagined you'd get the reaction you did, you should feel proud of yourself for getting that weight off your shoulders and exposing a monster for what he really is. now that it's all out in the open, it will never be out of people's minds - whether they believe you or not - so i know even though you didn't do this to get back at him, i can pretty much see that he will get what is coming to him.

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  14. ditto wemo, i bet taking the time to do those photos helped you refocus your attention and diverted you from vent blogging. those pics are tooo fun..and thanks for the info. again enormous help from someone who just went through it =)

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  15. love the photos. love 'em.
    i know it must be a very hard time for you right now; i am so pulling for you. we know you aren't a liar or any of the other things that you may have been labeled, and i'm behind you 100 percent.

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  16. love the devil. too cute. now i'm going to picture him on MY shoulder and want to give in. yeesh.

    <3<3<3

    LOVE the bean. there's a word for laying like that in korean.

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  17. Yeah, the devil sucks :). Don't let him take over your blog.

    The girl is cute! My little one had the same outfit last summer, and it was one of my favorites.

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  18. Photos = hilarity
    Your perspective = wisdom
    You = awesomeness

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