Thursday, August 21, 2008

reconnecting

after nearly three months of silence - because of so many sad reasons - my mother and i finally got together yesterday afternoon.

and while it was nerve-wracking and awkward, it was also just so good to see her again. we've had such a crazy relationship over the years, and i'd classify this as one of the worst, darkest times yet. i love my mom so, and i absolutely HATE not being on good terms with her.

we talked and talked and talked and talked some more - perhaps we didn't come to any real resolutions, but some things that had been held back for weeks, months, even years finally came out. and that was freeing.

i felt sad that she shed tears, and yet i had none. and i'm such a crier - i cry at tv commercials, for the love of crap. i found this really strange.

in the end, while we're not necessarily back to the way we were (and i hope that will come in time), we're talking again. reunited, and it feels so goooooood.

she and the bean got to spend some quality time together, too. it was cute.



and now, having gotten that relationship back on track, i tackled the other issue that you've been wondering about.

i made that phone call this morning. i finally felt ready to do it, although my hands still shook as i dialed the number. and strangely enough, when auntie random answered the phone and we started talking, i didn't feel the awkwardness i'd anticipated.

even more amazing, i learned that bio-dad was the one who gave her the number and told her to call me to say "hi." well, at least he gave her the last number he had for me - which was, of course, the ex's [still current] number. turns out he (AND my half-sibs) had tried to contact me periodically, and after so many months of calling and receiving no answer, they gave up.

i feel like i should be livid that all these years of feeling abandoned could have been avoided, but i'm not. i mean, i know that the ex never answers his damn phone unless he recognizes the number on his caller ID. the teen's told me that before. and so i wonder what possessed him to answer it when auntie random called out of the blue, looking for me.

anyway, bio-dad's been living in the homeland for quite some time now, but auntie random tells me that he's preparing to come back. interesting. also interesting? the fact that two of my three half-sibs have been trying to find me - which, i suppose, isn't all that easy when they don't know what my name is anymore. she asked if it was okay to give them my number, and i enthusiastically told her "yes, please!"

and then i decided to make a date for a visit. i didn't think i was going to want to, but i guess i got caught up in the moment, and she's leaving to move to texas next month anyway. she said that she's been here in the U.S. since 19-freaking-97, and has always wanted to see me.

this changes so much, and answers so many questions. and, most of all, i feel like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. curiosity didn't kill THIS cat. nope. instead, i might be on my way to regaining a lost family i never wanted to admit i wanted back.

meow.

22 comments:

  1. This all sounds like good news! Congrats on having the guts to pick up the phone, I'm glad to hear it's turned out to be something really positive.

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  2. I came across your blog from the nest. You crack my shit up! And who couldn't adore your kiddos.

    Well, now that I sound like a stalker, I really hope things go well for you.

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  3. Wow! Very intense stuff but I'm glad it's working out so smoothly, despite the hassle you've had to go through.

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  4. so glad the phone call went well overall. And yay for talking to your mom again.

    I have one thing in common with the ex. :shudder:

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  5. I love when happy, or at least fulfilling, endings happen to good people. I'm glad you found the strength to make the call. I'm sure even with the good news, this is still nerve-racking uneasy stuff...

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  6. This is all such wonderful news!! I'm so glad you are back on decent terms with your mom. So great about your aunt's call, too! I'm really happy this all worked out so well. You deserve it!

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  7. wow! talk about cramming a whole bunch of good stuff into one day. i'm glad that you were able to talk to your mom and hope the stuff with the rest of your family works out well too :)

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  8. That is SUCH good news! I'm glad to hear that you may have a whole new family to enjoy!

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  9. Wow, such big things happening all at once. I'm glad you talked to your mom and things are on the mend, however slowly they may happen. Hang in there. As for your phone call, I can't wait to see what unfolds from all this!

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  10. so, i'm rather emotional these days, but this post totally made me cry. good for you. even if it's not the relationships you've always dreamed for yourself, truth, honesty, and kindness go a long way in making you feel more whole.
    i can't wait to hear how this unfolds.

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  11. Wow, that's a whole lot of family stuff to handle in one day. I'm so glad you spent some time with your mama. That's wonderful. Just take it one day at a time.

    As far as new auntie, I think you have a great attitude about it. Just be open to what may come. It may surprise you.

    I would give you a big hug if you were here right now! It's not easy to deal with all that family drama.

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  12. your mom is so cute! glad to hear about possibly reconnecting with your long-lost fam...and, you know, another really cool person also lives in TX. just sayin'...

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  13. You're off to a great start with your mom. :) I'm sure it will only get better from here. Sometimes the best things come out of what was unexpected.

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  14. We already talked about the mom thing! You turned out to be a better daughter than you give yourself credit for :)

    and your aunt...see, arent you glad you sucked it up????

    oh and told you :P

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  15. I'm so glad to hear that everything turned out so well! Family issues always seem so complicated and so messy, but I think that you're doing the right thing -- keeping a positive attitude and remaining hopeful and open-minded will likely help everything come to a smooth resolution.

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  16. thats great news about your auntie and half-sibs! i'm sure a load was somewhat lifted off your shoulders.

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  17. I'm really glad that you and your mom are talking again and I admire your courage to pick up the phone to call your aunt!

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  18. We all have our share of mom drama, don't we? I'm really happy to hear that a reconciliation is in the works. We all should have our moms :) Does the Bean keep getting cuter and cuter, or is it just me?

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  19. Congratulations! I'm so glad it made for a happy beginning instead of something really awkward.

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