really, really, really, REALLY bad birthday poetry

you know, i'm always excited to say

"hey yo, guess what?  today's my birthday!"

it's totally my most favorite time of year,

and i'm super stoked that it's finally here.

getting old ain't as bad as you might think

and hey, i get to have a free starbucks drink!

it may be hotter than the ninth circle of hell,

but it is what it is.  i mean...oh, well.

what else can i do? it's a day all for me,

i'm gonna make the most of it, you'll see.

so off to the happiest place on earth i'll go

and i know you're sitting there in shock.  like, whoa!

yeah, i'll be sweating my ass off like mad

but it'll still be disneyland, and that's totally rad.

i'm so excited, i think i might pee

'cuz it ain't all that bad to be turning 43!

word to my mother

sixty *mumble* years ago today
the world was changed forever.
(your daughter's stuck in jury duty
and is trying to be clever!)

it's because of you i'm who i am
that's a good thing, don'tcha think?
you handled the teen rebellion years alone
and for that, you deserve a drink!

supportive, cute, kind and generous
you're all of those and more.
you appreciate all the good things in life
and the bad shit, you just ignore.

though life has had its ups and downs
now, happiness is key.
the hub should send you a big ass thank you card
because you gave him ME (hee hee)!

although i can't be with you today
i'm sure the day will be fab.
ooh! i know what you should do!
go and eat some crab :)

wow, that was really bad. this jury selection room is sucking the life outta me. sorry about that. i'll make up for it next year, i promise.

happy birthday, mommy! i love you!