take another piece of my heart now, baby

i love my blog.

when i first started writing this thing, it was just a fun, silly way for me to talk about stuff that was going on, post some pictures, create a journal of sorts for me to look back on later. i posted a few entries, shared the link with friends and some family, and then lost interest.

and then i caught pregnant. so like tons of women before me, i thought it'd be awesome to document the journey somehow, and i picked it back up again (i'm fully lazy, type much faster than i can write, and hate writing anything by hand anyway, so a paper journal? out of the freaking question). and i really, really enjoyed it - recording the little day-to-day things in the months and days leading up to the bean's arrival was a great creative outlet for me, and i basked in the glory of the comments and e-mails i received in response to my posts. of course! you know what an egocentric fool i am.

then after the bean was born, it turned into an e-baby book of sorts. most of you have read all about the little things, changes, milestones. and when i needed to, i wrote about things that affected me on a personal level - and those posts were not only cathartic for me, but led quite a few of you to send me e-mails that told me of your own similar experiences. it always makes me feel better to hear from folks who could relate, offer advice, or just tell me that my ramblings were appreciated by someone.

and in recent months, it's changed again - lately, i've done a lot of posts about cooking and baking, something i really enjoy doing but hadn't indulged in much in recent years. photographing, sharing and reviewing recipes i find online is super duper fun. and i dig hearing from folks who have their own reviews of those recipes or share new ones with me.

but this weekend brought a wrinkle or twelve in my blogging free-for-all. and while i'm certainly not under any orders to cease and desist, i'm not exactly feeling free to continue with business as usual.

i'm ridiculously heartbroken about this. i feel like my fingers are being chopped off. i totally look forward to writing my posts, and all of a sudden i'm stuck with this uber sucky hesitancy. i just don't know what to do. i could just talk about impersonal things, discuss my feelings on news and celebrity gossip, switch over to a food/cooking-only blog, or simply change the settings and make it a private, invitation-only kinda thing, but talk about sucking all the narcissistic fun out of it all. and that's really just not me. or, i could simply pull a gordon ramsay and shout "shut it down!!" and put it all to an end completely. ack, what a horrific notion. what to do, what to do.

this. sucks. butt.