still not a superstar

a couple of weeks ago, totally out of the blue, i received an email from the marketing department for ebates.

you use ebates for all your online shipping, right? if you don't, you should. i mean, it's free money for something you're already doing anyway. if you're an ebates newbie and haven't opened your (free!) account, use my link and hook a sista up with a referral. you can thank me later, like when you get your first big fat payment. 

anyway, apparently they were getting ready to put together a new commercial set to be aired on tvs nationwide. they were looking for actual members to use in the new ad, filming in the l.a. area. they asked for a recent photo and a quick blurb about how i use it, if i was interested in being considered for the ad. 

now, you'd think i'd jump all over that thing immediately, right? but i actually hesitated for a bit before I decided to give it a shot. the teen said "go for it! why wouldn't you??"

indeed. so i dug up a decent picture and sent in my reply. 

four days later, i received another email from a casting company that invited me to come out to santa monica for a quick meeting and interview for the ad. attached to it was a sheet of wardrobe suggestions:

i enlisted the teen to help me scour through my closet in search of something  suitable to wear. the super vain bitch in me desperately wanted to avoid the "mom" look, but my wardrobe told a totally different story. bah!

with a ton of help from her (and her closet of much more fashionable items than mine), i managed to pull together a decent ensemble that fell somewhere between the "mom" and "fashionista." this shot is super dark, but it's all i got. open cardigan, flowy top, chunky necklace, skinny jeans and booties. 

we arrived in santa monica with plenty of time to spare, and strolled the third street promenade for awhile. it was a gorgeous day:

the casting agency's office was easy to find, and parking was conveniently underground. 

the office itself was airy, spacious and modern.

there were other castings happening there besides the ebates commercial. most of the other people there were pretty ordinary-looking like me, and then there were these two:

finally, it was my turn to go inside and face the firing squad. okay, not really. but i was crazy nervous, which didn't help my case. and when i get nervous, i chatter. and sweat. oh, and it didn't help that i was shown in to the hot seat. like, literally - it was a black leather office-type chair that happened to be facing an entire row of lights. 

the questions I had to answer are a blur in my mind. they were basic, i know - a little "tell me about yourself" with a side of "how do you use ebates" and a little "do you shop online often?" it seemed like only a few moments had passed before my time was up. the teen assured me that i was in there just as long as the previous hopefuls, but i didn't have a strong positive feeling about it. oh well. 

either way, i was being compensated for my time. just for coming to the casting interview, my ebates account was credited $50. not too bad. besides, it had been fun to imagine being on tv for longer than a brief pan-over. experiences are priceless, right?

just nod and agree with me. 

by then it was lunchtime, and after mulling over the many options available to is, we decided to hit up a favorite spot - the grove. 

when we got there, we came upon a booth in place to promote a new tv show on fox:

they were doing customized airbrushed tees, 90s-style. we picked out designs and fonts and then wandered off to grab lunch while the shirts were made. 

it was the first time we'd been there since the newly-remodeled nordstrom had opened, and we decided to try their upper-level cafe for lunch. not a bad view, huh?

my short rib french dip sandwich was fantastic. like, seriously the tastiest french dip i'd had in a long time. 

we managed to avoid most of the rush-hour traffic on the way home and then i was left to distract myself for hours, until the casting calls were to be made later that night. 

sure enough, 8:00 came and went with no phone call for me. i'd pretty much convinced myself that i hadn't really said or done anything that would make me stand out anyway, so i consoled myself with the knowledge that my next big fat payment would be $50 bigger and fatter. 

so much for that super unexpected, highly successful acting career that i might have stumbled upon late in life that would have earned me big bucks and an oscar on my mantel. damn. 

no whammies! no whammies! and...STOP!

so a couple of weeks ago, an old friend from my time on the knot posted on facebook that she was looking for some buddies to go and try out for a new trivia game show on NBC. 

i love trivia.  i'm chock-full of useless knowledge that my brain has decided to retain for some unknown reason.

and, i'm not gonna lie, i wanna be on tv.  heh.

i've tried out for exactly three game shows in my whole life.  when i was about 8, there was a kid's version of an old game show called "the joker's wild" that my family loved.  my family saw the ad for "joker joker joker" and decided that i was the perfect candidate for that show, and off we went for an audition.

have i ever shown you how homely i was when i was that age?  it's just sad.  so no, i didn't get a callback.

the next show i tried out for was much bigger and more well-known - "wheel of fortune."  they'd announced a search for contestants to play alongside actors from several soap operas - including "general hospital."  we all know how much i love that show, and the actor reppin' it for "wheel" was super hottie ingo rademacher, who plays "jax" (and still does, a bazillion years later).  i hopped right on that train, managed to get myself an audition, got through the first few cuts, but lost out to this ridiculously loud and obnoxious woman who would have probably swallowed me whole.  although i realize this is the type of personality they typically look for, right?  oh, well.  she ended up losing the game.  ha!
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lastly, the ex and i went out for a show called "supermarket sweep."  i don't think it really lasted very long, but i think a lot of people watched it.  anyway, we acted the fool, jumped around and high-fived and cheered and everything (a major feat with the ex, lemme tell you.  we really needed the money), but still didn't get called in for a taping.  bah!

with my history of game show audition failures, i went into this one with very low expectations.  i tend to do that to myself so as not to be too disappointed when stuff doesn't work out.  at the very least, i figured i would have some fun, especially since i got my friend jess a spot in the tryout too.  yay, a buddy!





lucky for me, the hub had one of those very rare free afternoons, and so the bean and i hopped into his car, we picked up the teen and rock-ell from school, and headed down to hollywood.  the studio was easy to find, and the lineup for the audition even more so.

after trading a couple of text messages with jess, she joined me in the line just as the production staff was beginning to hand out questionnaires to fill out.

it's pretty sad when you can't think of anything interesting to say about yourself.  i was completely stumped on that question, as well as the one asking for my most embarrassing moments.  obviously, i've had many, but for the life of me couldn't think of a single one.  wanna hear something super lame?  i even whipped out my phone and searched this blog for the word "embarrass." 

i came up with nothing, by the way.  good gracious.

anyway, i managed to scrawl some dumb story on those lines and by the time i was done, they were moving us inside. 

we were led into a large dungeon-like room in a basement somewhere, and jess and i smirked at each other as we listened to the people around us discussing the numerous game shows they'd either been on or auditioned for.  these were professional contestants, man.  for serious.

inside, we were greeted by the casting director for the show.  dude was pretty hot.  this was the best shot i managed to finagle without making a spectacle of myself (obviously, it's the one standing up, not the dude in the solid blue shirt).

huh.  he doesn't look that great in that picture, but trust me - jess agreed, he was pretty easy on the eyes.

we were shown a quick clip of the game show we were trying out for - working title "still standing."  basically, one contestant goes head-to-head against ten others, answering trivia questions in various subjects.  when you miss a question, you literally fall through a hole right beneath your feet.  i can't lie, i kind of want to get onto the show just to get dropped through the floor.  i pictured an elaborate willy wonka-style system of chutes underground or something super realistic like that.  heh.

next, we were given a 30-question trivia test, which included stuff like "what was the name of the family on the tv show "roseanne"?" and "which president appears first on mount rushmore?" and "which pop star did ke$ha write the single "till the world ends" for?"  i was pretty confident in most of my answers, but didn't even have a guess at about three of them.  if you quiz me on anything harry potter, lord of the rings, or star wars, i'm screwed.  same goes with a lot of political stuff.  i'm not that deep, yo.

the staff gathered up the test sheets, graded them with superhuman speed, and then sent about half of the group outside.  i'm assuming those were the ones who didn't answer enough of the questions correctly.  as we looked around at who was left in the room, it was obvious that most of us were, uh...older than the ones who left.  yeah. 

they divided us into three groups (i was separated from jess at this point, who is a much more interesting gal than i am), and then we introduced ourselves and shared a little tidbit about our lives.  and dudes, i should've prepared for something like that.  seriously, i have a pretty boring life (even though it's pretty fantastic to me) - i'm happily married and just quit a job selling cupcakes to be a SAHM to a teen and a toddler.  pretty blah compared to the chick next to me who was in her residency at huntington memorial hospital, $300K in debt, newly engaged to a brand-new lawyer who's $500K in debt, and trying to plan a wedding with no money to speak of.  or the lady next to me who'd just up and moved to california from the midwest, lost her job, has an 18-month old and is trying to crawl out of the mountain of debt she and her husband owe. 

when we were all done, they led us outside and through the studio grounds to another building where we all stood around and shot the shit while we waited for our names to be called.  oh - and here's a few of those professional contestants.  the dude in red has been on so many game shows already that he's actually ineligible to try out for some of the more popular ones, like "wheel" and "jeopardy."  geez.

finally, my name was called with a group of about five others.  we went inside, where we had a headshot taken, and waited some more.

the wait wasn't too long this time.  through the door, we were asked to hold up the sheet with our info on it in front of the camera, give our name, age, and where we were from, and answer a few personal questions.  while i did mine, i found out that i scored higher in my trivia test than most PhDs and MBAs, although i'm thinking he threw that in because my questionnaire told him i never went any higher education-wise than high school.  heh.  i was at my peppiest, smiley-est best in the hopes of regaining ground i'd lost with my boring life. and managed to answer my trivia questions in front of the camera correctly.

with a "okay, if we need you we'll call you by june," we were dismissed.  i called the hub, who was taking the girls on a drive around hollywood, and ended up waiting just inside the gate.  i didn't want to go back out where i'd been dropped off - i'd learned that some homeless dude had physically threatened a few of the people at the front of the line when we were waiting to get in.  i wasn't about to get shanked as i stood there all by myself.  the security guard was really friendly and told me i was welcome to wait right there.

the hub and the girls had also gone to the grove to kill some time, where the teen and rock-ell came across a photo op with "the biggest loser"'s jillian michaels (also the relentless dictator who came up with the 30-day shred, which i hate). 

i had a groupon-esque deal that was about to expire for bld restaurant, so that's where we had dinner.

it was a fun evening, and now i'm just hopeful that i get a call for the show.  it would be so much fun to play a game on tv!  send some casting vibes my way, will ya?