numb

that's how i'm feeling.  just numb.

the old lady and i were at disneyland yesterday, just the two of us since the bean had opted to stay home with a visiting MIL.  we were walking around one of the shops, just doing our thing when i felt my phone buzz with a text.  it was the hub, sharing a link that made me want to immediately throw my phone across the room.

"kobe bryant dead, dies in helicopter crash," it said.  the source?  TMZ.

no.  my first reaction was just...NO.  it had to be wrong, right?  that wasn't possible.  it couldn't be.

and yet it was.

and so we left.  granted, we were already making our way towards the exit anyway for a few different reasons, but this news pretty much sealed the deal.  i blinked back tears all the way home, while the old lady sat next to me keeping an eye on her phone for further updates.  she waited until i pulled into the garage and shut the ignition off before looking at me with her own tear-filled eyes and sharing the news that kobe's 13-year-old daughter gianna had been onboard the helicopter with her dad.  along with what turned out to be 7 other people, they had been on their way to kobe's mamba academy.  kobe was coaching gianna's team in a game that afternoon, and we're learning that she had two teammates also on board.  they had parents with them, as well as a basketball coach from gianna's school, and the pilot.

so many lives lost.  so many families changed forever.  and a world of fans who are grieving hard after the loss of this man we'd watched grow from a teenaged laker recruit into a husband, father, mentor, humanitarian, inspiration, and so many other things.

and yes.  i am fully aware that kobe was guilty of a lot of terrible things.  we all know of his transgressions, the things he did that affected others in negative ways.  everything was widely reported and he was most definitely not a perfect person by any stretch of the imagination.  but by all accounts, he was doing the best he could to be the best person he could be.  he was known as a wonderful father who adored his children, and he and his wife vanessa welcomed their fourth daughter just this past summer.

along with the loss of kobe and gianna, i grieve for the family he left behind.  i can't even imagine what vanessa is going through right now, with the loss of her husband and one of her beautiful babies.   the girls will have to move on with their lives without their sister and their dad.  it's just so overwhelmingly heartbreaking.

i'm probably not really using the right words to express what i'm feeling.  i guess it sounds silly to be this emotional about a celebrity, someone i never actually got the chance to meet, who people either loved or hated with not many in between.  but kobe was an l.a. icon for 20 years, someone so many of us practically thought of as a family member.  hell, one of my cousins started a new group text yesterday so that we could all share our grief over the tragedy we were all still trying to grasp.

los angeles will never be the same.  it changed when he arrived, and again when he retired from the lakers, and now again with his death.  i pray for all of the families who lost a loved one on that flight, and hope that they feel the love from so many of us who are thinking of them right now.

ending our disneyland drought at last

it seemed to take forever, but the girls and i finally made our first trip of 2020 to our beloved disneyland.  the new star wars ride had just opened a couple of days before, and they're doing some crazy "boarding pass" system where you can only get on the ride if you're able to secure one.  well, all of the passes for the entire day are getting snapped up literally within two minutes of the park opening.  that means we probably won't get to ride that thing for months, unless they do away with the passes and open a standby line like any other normal ride.

however, they're also celebrating lunar new year at california adventure - which means delicious food and fun merchandise for sale.  because we got there just as the food kiosks were opening for the day, it was pretty crowded and we had to stand in line (luckily, not too long) to buy one of their "sip & savor" passes.  since this food festival isn't as extensive as others, the passes cost a little less and have only 6 tabs instead of the usual 8.  that's okay though, we were still happy to take advantage of the savings that the pass offers.

while we waited in the line, we eyed some of the merchandise available for sale.  look how cute these ears are:

there were hats and shirts and other trinkets too.

the first set of kiosks already had a really long line, so we headed to the second set and found that most of the items we wanted to try were there anyway.  and look how cute the signage is:

the old lady ordered the vegetable egg roll with chilled sesame-garlic noodles.  she was pretty satisfied with it, and those noodles were actually really tasty.

the bean was excited to try the smoked beef bulgogi short rib, served with white rice.  while she was hoping that the "rice cake" description meant the chewy rice noodle sticks she'd enjoyed at lilcee's house a couple of months ago, she was still happy with this entree.

as for me, i'd opted for the shrimp fried rice with garlic-bacon edamame.  it sounds pretty basic, but it was perfectly cooked and seasoned and i would totally get this again.  and again, and again, and again.

we shared the black sesame mochi donut, which we'd had high hopes for.  after all, it looked like the modo donuts we'd had a couple of weeks ago...but looks deceived us in this case and this ended up tasting more like a regular cake donut.  bummer.

although the vietnamese cold brew served with coconut milk and sweetened coconut cream was pretty good.  for a cold brew, it was pretty mild and the bean actually liked it even more than her sister and i did.

we went to the back of the park to check out the rest of the lunar new year offerings.

the bean and i wrote wishes for the coming year on these little mickey-shaped papers and added them to the wall of wishes.  we were amused to find that her wish was pretty similar to the one just below where she tied it.

while they walked ahead of me, i was pretty excited to catch a glimpse of mickey and minnie heading to their meet & greet spot.  i know it's silly and i'm a grown ass woman, but i was pretty elated when i waved at them and when she saw me, minnie waved right back.  heh.

and then i caught mulan and mushu as they exited the pavilion to make way for mickey and minnie.

here i ended up doing my best mike wazowski:  "i'm on the cover of a magaZINE!"  thanks, kid.

with a short 15-minute wait quoted for the non-swinging cars on mickey's fun wheel, we decided to get in line for something we hadn't ridden in ages.  i always love the great views of the park we get from the top of the wheel.

we were amused when the bean decided to use one of her disney gift cards she'd gotten for christmas on a new accessory:

and through the magic of maxpass, we were able to get onto both of the rides we really wanted to do that day.

on our way out of california adventure, i stopped at the churro cart to try something i'd read about on twitter - the fluffernutter churro.  drizzled with marshmallow cream and peanut butter with mini chocolate chips sprinkled on top, it was just as delicious as i'd hoped it would be.

these signs were posted at the turnstiles into disneyland, just in case you'd held out hope that you could still score a boarding pass for "rise of the resistance."

we enjoyed some fried chicken for lunch at plaza inn, and then took our first castle selfie of the year.

it was really crowded by then, and we knew the chances of riding anything on that side were pretty low.  we did a little browsing in the shops, and then as we passed this we decided it was finally time to stop and have our silhouettes done.  we'd talked about doing this for ages, and it seemed as good a time as any.

we took turns sitting in this chair while the artist used a pair of long-handled scissors to hand cut our silhouettes.  "don't smile!" we were told.  that's harder than it sounds.

the finished product was handed to another cast member who stood at a table at the rear of the shop, and she brushed some sort of glue onto precut mounts before pressing the cutouts onto the cards and smoothed it down with some kind of backing paper that helped adhere the silhouette to the card.  it was actually the longest part of the process, and while we waited for ours to be done the artist who sat down for his shift handed us these little freebies:

he told us stories of his 20-year stint at tokyo disneyland, sharing the park map he kept in his bag and talking about the differences between the parks.  and then when our silhouettes were finished the cast member showed us the frames available for them, telling us that this was the only place in the world these could be found and pointing out the 24 hidden mickeys in the decorative border.

pretty neat, right?  and when you have this done, they actually give you two copies.  this way the bean and i could keep one at the house and the old lady could take the other to display at her place.

another disney bucket list item, check!

visiting another piece of disney history

walt disney was well known for his love of trains, even building a miniature train that went around the grounds of his home on carolwood drive in l.a.  there was a small barn that he built on the property where he would work on the train, and when the home was eventually sold walt's daughter diane made arrangements to have the barn dismantled and stored.  the barn ended up being reassembled near travel town at griffith park, and it's open on the third sunday of the month for visitors.

the old lady and her special friend were able to visit it a couple of years ago, but the bean and i hadn't gotten to see it yet...until this weekend.  while the guys were golfing, we hopped into the car and headed out to griffith park on a cool, cloudy day to check out carolwood barn.

here's the barn, lovingly restored and maintained by the los angeles live steamers museum.

inside the barn there are lots of items that were salvaged from the carolwood estate, including workbenches built by walt himself.

 this was pretty interesting, too:

a site plan of how things were laid out on the property:

 and more pieces and photographs from the old estate.

 so i'm not totally sure, but i think this was supposed to be a miniature replica of the train that runs through disneyland.  the bean was enchanted by the tiny trash cans, of all things.

 outside the barn there's a car from the original train that went around disneyland from opening day in 1955.  you can't go inside, but there's some fun memorabilia and other items in the building that it's housed in.

every now and then, we'd catch a glimpse of one of the miniature trains that were available for rides around the park.

and there are commemorative plaques in the ground that honor those who helped in the creation of and preserving of the carolwood barn.

 once we were done looking around, we walked the short distance to the train station so that we could grab tickets and stand in line to take a turn on the miniature train.  the line was fairly long, but it didn't take too long to get to the front.

it was a fun ride that lasted a lot longer than i'd expected, and every so often the train would pick up speed and go a little faster than you'd think.  tickets are just $3 per person, and it was really fun.

a quick yelp search took us here for a snack:

i chose a bubble waffle slathered with nutella and whipped cream:

 the bean opted for the thai tea rolled ice cream, topped with condensed milk and mochi.

and the old lady chose a bubble waffle with fruity pebbles, mint chip ice cream, sliced strawberry and strawberry wafer cookies.

it was a really fun way to spend our sunday, and i was glad we'd finally found the time to visit the barn.  we'd talked about it for ages, since we love visiting all of the disney-themed historical sites.  another bucket list item, check!