dream loud

when i picked up the blogging again a couple of weeks ago, i mentioned doing a photo shoot with a photographer i’d met via twitter.  his name was brad young, and i’m just so sad that he passed away this weekend from a car going the wrong way on the freeway as he was on his way home.

i’d chatted with him a bit via twitter before i actually met him, and when we met up for my hour-long shoot he gave me a little more of his backstory.  when he moved to california from the east coast, he just kind of fell into acting - booking a job on his very first audition and just continuing on from there.  he landed small parts on shows like grey’s anatomy, charmed, boy meets world and felicity.  and he told me how he got to do some stunts, which he really enjoyed.  he was also a huge advocate for keeping art and music programs in schools, often donating his time and efforts to make sure that students of all ages have access to creative outlets.

it was really interesting listening to his stories, from his acting days to the many celebrities he’s photographed and his regular appearances on red carpets for all kinds of premieres and events.  he was so friendly and candid and humble, downplaying his achievements while also encouraging me to get out there and give the background acting thing a try.  

he talked about his visits home to see his brother and family, how much fun he had with them, and also how much he enjoyed having the freedom to pursue his passions.  and he really seemed to love his life and what he was able to do every day.

here’s a few of the shots that came from that shoot - and i can tell you with 100% certainty that the only reason they look good is because brad was magical with that camera.  he managed to capture me at my best, with none (well, not too much) of my awkwardness or self-consciousness coming through.

so many people have posted tributes to him since the news broke, and it’s clear from their words how much he was loved and will be missed.  it’s just too bad that so often, we don’t get to express those feelings until it’s too late.  

rest well, brad.  thank you for sharing your talent, kindness and enthusiasm with us.

celebrating life

it was a weekend full of family gatherings to celebrate the long, full life of g-wan.

there were lots of flowers, including this lovely arrangement from some of brother wan's friends.

i'm not sure whether it was due to having been sick for a few days or the emotional overload, but there were also lots of naps.

forest lawn in hollywood hills is lovely.  for obvious reasons, i didn't take many pictures.

there was lots of daddy time.

and with the heaviest, hardest portion of the weekend behind us, we enjoyed a nice breakfast with extended family that we don't see often.  and there was some silliness.

later, there was some quality time with grandma that involved some pampering and relaxation.  after all, it is tough to be seven.

and now all her digits are ready for the next holiday.

we'll be saying goodbye to the ILs today, and to brother wan tomorrow.   we'll all celebrate thanksgiving spread across the country, but in a mere six weeks will come together again for christmas.

SIX WEEKS, PEOPLE.  holy cow.

any excuse to celebrate

one of my favorite nights of every year is the one we spend driving down to la jolla so we can have dinner at the very spot where the hub proposed to me.

it was extra special because we had both girls with us this year. 

we were a little surprised to see that a lot of renovations had taken place at the restaurant in the last year. the cozy corner where we'd celebrated our engagement with our families looked completely different, which was a little sad. but we didn't let that dampen our spirits. after all, the food and the service was still as good as we remembered. 

it was a busy night, and while we didn't get lucky with a window seat we still managed to get a decent view of the ocean from our table.

starters: seafood tower and brussels sprouts with bacon and candied walnuts.  so stinking delicious. 

 

the hub's wine sampler. 

entrees: jidori free range chicken breast, surf & turf, and roasted ahi. 

the bean opted for a cheeseburger from the kids' menu, and then agonized over the dessert list. 

little did she know that dessert had been decided long ago - their famous "hula pie." they brought us fun sporks to eat it with. 

we demolished that sucker in record time. 

happy wanengagementaversary 9.0 to us!

sadly grateful

if you've been reading for a while, you may remember that while i was pregnant with the bean, the hub took off on a 2-week trip to zimbabwe with a group from our church. it was a life-changing and eye-opening time for him, and while i missed him like mad, i knew it was a once-in-a-lifetime kind of experience that he would carry with him for the rest of his life.

during the trip (and in the months of planning, preparation, and countless meetings prior), he'd gotten to know the rest of the group quite well. they leaned on each other for support and motivation, and became quite a tight-knit little family. we hosted a thanksgiving dinner for the whole group and their family members that year, which was a fantastic evening. they're all wonderful, beautiful, funny, and sweet, but as it so often does, life moves on and we've not seen them a whole lot lately.

but the last few weeks have brought some super sad news about one of the ladies' husbands. he'd been sick on and off since last november or so, and then, to add insult to injury, lost his job. on top of that, as if they didn't have enough to deal with, his doctors delivered another huge blow: the big "C." it's just terrible. this family is just so fantastic, and the handful of times i've spent with them have been so happy and cheerful. it's hard to believe that this could be happening to this man, who i always picture as incredibly strong, happy-go-lucky, jolly.

cancer - such an ugly word. and yet so horribly common - i'd be willing to bet that every single one of you has been touched by the awfulness of this disease in some way, whether it's a family member, a friend, a co-worker. maybe your loved ones have fought like hell and beat that bitch...or perhaps you've had to say goodbye. either way, there ain't nothing happy about cancer.

and this morning, we got word that the news from yesterday's surgery was the worst-case scenario. they got him in the operating room, went in to check things out, and discovered that the cancer had spread everywhere. there's literally nothing they can do to fix it. and they sent him home to be with his family and make him as comfortable as possible in anticipation of the inevitable.

i cannot even imagine what they must be going through right now. i know that the hub has been in touch with them, as have the ILs (who are in their weekly sunday school class). i've sent up countless prayers for them, and my heart just aches not only for what they're facing today, but for all that they'll be dealing with in the weeks and months ahead.

all this makes me just want to hold my family tight and never let go. it reinforces the fact that nothing is more important. no new phone, house, that pair of awesome shoes in the store window, none of the material crap in the whole world matters for shit when all is not right in one's world. it's sad when it takes something like this to hammer home how blessed we are, and yet i suppose it's kind of okay to be grateful for what we have as we grieve for others and share in their pain.

that is some effed-up shit though, man. for real.

the bean's got a star on her butt.

thank you for your kind words and condolences. i received an e-mail from my aunt with the memorial service details, which gives me hope that my presence won't be as disruptive as i feared. i still plan on remaining in the background as quietly as possible, but i'm relieved to know that i can attend and pay my respects to a wife/mother/daughter whose life was cut short far too soon.

and i'm even more sad for those two little boys who will forever associate halloween with the loss of their mommy. i hope that they'll be able to celebrate her life and their memories of her in the years to come.

now, to answer a couple of questions about the teen's halloween plans - she's wearing her costume at school today. then tonight she's going to meet up with BFF to go trick-or-treating around the neighborhood and probably meet up with some of their friends. it's most likely the last year they'll be able to get away with going house to house and scoring free candy. heh.

i managed to complete two important tasks yesterday - online traffic school and a call to the county recorder's office to verify that i'm registered to vote! whee! i was getting antsy because i wasn't receiving any election-related mail, and the online status thingy still wasn't showing any record of my registration, despite the fact that i'd mailed it in twice. and i really, really want to vote in this historic election.

so after a 15-minute wait on hold (going through that traffic school as i sat there), i finally got through to a bored-sounding government employee. i explained my dilemma, and after she put me on hold a few more times to "check on things," i heard the magic words:

"okay, you're all set. do you need your polling place information?"

sah-weet! although the hub's vote totally cancels mine out, i'm still stoked that i'll be able to take part and exercise my right as an american citizen. and i'm gonna rock that "i voted" sticker proudly come tuesday. yay!

the bean rocked some new jammies last night. how cute are these:

that little butt just cracks me up.

tomorrow is tea with my mom and the teen, and then we'll head off to that memorial service. a rather strange combination of events for one day, but hey - you take what life throws at you and go with it, right?

happy halloween and happy weekend to all!