you like me, you really like me

wow!  you guys really know how to show a girl some love.  as much as i wasn't feeling it as i wrote yesterday's post, this frown was definitely turned upside-down with every new comment notification i received.  thank you - it really made my week!

turning it into an "ask me anything" kinda post brought out some great questions, and i'll do my best to answer them.  here we go:

BMB said...

How do you get the Bean to agree to have her hair done every day? I have a 4 year-old bean of my own, and you all are putting our hair dos (which is just a headband) to shame.

ha!  you are too kind.  actually, i was just thinking the other day that we really need to come up with some new 'do ideas for her.  seems like she's been living in two braids for months.  and in the cooler months, all i ever do is pull back two little ponytails on the side with the rest down.

but to answer your question, i just keep her distracted - like in the morning, she's usually eating breakfast as i brush her hair.  and after her bath, i sit her down in front of a favorite show and wrangle that long, thick mane into a loose braid that keeps it tangle-free as she sleeps.  give your bean a toy or let her watch a show as you work, and hopefully that'll do the trick for you too.

MD said...

Can we have coffee next time you're in the SD area? (See what I did there?) ;)

um, YES.  i'm eyeing an 80s themed 5K in san diego, late october. you free?

Nicole said...

Hi, I have been reading for a while and haven't gotten up the nerve to comment. I think we actually live close by, so that's fun! I have a 16 month old son. What were some good place/activities that you found for your daughter to do when she was that age?

ah, we're neighbors!  fun!  at that age, we were doing gymboree classes.  we actually started them earlier - like when she was an infant - but 16 months is a great age for that.  in a couple of months, you can start a parent & me gymnastics class too!  storytime at the library is also a good one, they have a session geared towards the little ones and another for toddler-aged kids.  and it's free!  if you want more detailed information, feel free to email me.  since you de-lurked, we're obviously buddies now.

Laredo said...

I read your blog a lot, but less lately, only because it focuses a lot on the Bean and kids just aren't my thing right now. I liked it a little better when there was more variety.

this is awesome feedback, because i'd actually been feeling like the blog was rather bean-centric lately. i appreciate the kick in the ass.  i'll do my best to switch it up more, i promise.

klf214 said...

Hi Wan, I read your blog everyday! I am curious about your relationship with the teen's dad and stepmom. Do you get along and interact? I am going to be a stepmom to a little girl who is the bean's age. I would like to have a bean of my own someday, but things are pretty difficult with the bio mom right now. Any thoughts or advice you have would be great. Keep posting please :)

that's a relationship that's been a hell of a rollercoaster over the last decade or so, for real, yo.  it's seriously been 50 shades of crazy, but i'm happy to report that it's been civil and actually quite cordial over the last few years.  we're not going out to have coffee together or anything like that, and i'm sure he disagrees with some of the things we do just as much as i completely judge some of the shit he pulls, but for now it's okay.  the best advice i can give you is to encourage your husband to keep his daughter's best interests in mind and put them far ahead of his own wants.  it's hard to raise kids as it is, and making life difficult for the other parent is just miserable.  please feel free to email me if you want to talk more in detail.

Miss Jill and Mister John said...

As a mom of a teen as well as a mom of a preschooler... what's your best parenting advice? What do you wish you'd have done differently?

what i've learned is that the "don't be your kid's friend, be their parent" advice isn't a catchall when it comes to nurturing a fabulous relationship.  i feel like you can be both quite successfully.  the teen and i really enjoy each other's company (yes, even at this age).  i know when to back off with her, and she knows how far she can push things before it all turns to shit.  it's definitely not all puppies and rainbows, and while i hate when i have to drop the hammer, i do it.  but because we've spent years learning how the other thinks, the day-to-day is easy and fun.  although i admit, if i could do it all over again, i'd push a lot harder with her father about getting involved in extracurricular activities.  that's probably the one thing i would love a rewind-and-re-do on.

falon said...

I read erry-day!

I'm from maryland and live in Crofton. I think i read that you lived here at one point? What part and ever plan on returning?

yes!  i was actually born in new york and then we lived in maryland (first pasadena, then arnold) for about five years.  my godparents still live in arnold, although the last time i visited them i was the teen's age (yikes).  during our crazy east coast road trip a couple of years ago, we drove through maryland but didn't have time to stop.  one day i think it'd be fun to go, enjoy some crab, and drive by our old houses.  believe it or not, i still remember our addresses - funny how those little things you memorize as a little kid really do stick.

Tracy said...

Checking in from Ottawa, Canada! I've been a stalker for quite some time, I guess it's time to come out of shadows. Love reading your blog, please keep up the great work. I have a question...what does your husband think about the blog? Is he just camera shy or does he miss out on all the cool adventures?

sometimes i wonder if people think the hub is a fictional character, heh.  he's never really been a huge fan of me putting my life out there on the internet.  he doesn't do any social media either.  it's not that he doesn't play on the internet, he just likes to keep his shit personal.  this was actually a pretty big point of contention for us until he finally understood that blogging is something i really enjoy doing.  and i promised him that i would keep pictures of him to a minimum.  so no, he's not camera shy at all - although because he works hard for the money that i spend so gleefully, he does indeed miss a lot of our crazier outings.  like, he'll happily sit out a jonas brothers anything.  but we do lots of other things together, so it all balances out.

Melissa said...

Any guidance for someone looking to blog?

Just started a blog to keep track of the kids activities and fun things they say.

i can tell you that what i love most about blogging is telling stories about the stuff we do - whether it's mundane, everyday things or fun events that i enjoy sharing.  write your posts in your own voice, as if you were talking to your best friend.  make sure you keep specific details about where you live/work/etc. out of it, and don't put your full name out there.  it's not hard for random strangers to hit up google with some basic personal info, and unfortunately we live in a time when terrible things can happen.  but have fun with it, and if you're looking to increase your traffic a good tip i learned is to read other blogs and comment on them.  most bloggers will click back to learn about their readers, and i've found some awesome reads this way.  good luck!

Bridget said...

If you're comfortable talking about it, I would love to hear about the custody arrangement you have for the teen with your ex-husband. My husband and I are splitting up (his choice, not mine), and we have a 14-month-old daughter. From little comments you've said here and there, it seems like the teen splits her time between you pretty equally. My soon-to-be-ex is convinced that it can't work like that. i would love to hear your perspective since you've actually been there. Thanks!!

well, as i mentioned before, the ex and i have come a looooooong way.  he was pretty bitter when i first left, and in fact the first year of our separation the teen spent most of her time with me.  he worked some long, unpredictable hours and typically spent his weekends on his own, sprinkling visits with her here and there.  so it was a big shock to me when he picked her up from the first friday of school on a scheduled visit, called me, and said "okay, i'm keeping her for the week.  you can pick her up next friday, and we'll just do it like that from now on."  he refused to budge, and nothing i said changed his mind.  and so for the teen, week-on/week-off has gone on her entire life, and it's all she's ever known.  it was really tough in the beginning after always having her with me, but i got used to it.  i'm cool with discussing in more detail if you're interested, so email me anytime.

"ask me anything" almost seems a little silly, because it's not like my life hasn't already been an open book 'round these parts.  but i've been blogging for almost six years (!!!), so all my oversharing has been spread out over a long period of time.  ha!

and as for the rest of you - thank you.  i really do appreciate that you read my ramblings, and i'm such a narcissist that you know it'll continue on for as long as you'll let me.  whether you're my chopped livers, lurkers, new or old readers - much love to ya.

a day of yay!/boo.

so i managed to totally horn in on a lunch outing with my friends lilcee and tater by replying to one of their conversations on twitter.  it really wasn't my intention to finagle an invitation to join them, but it was a total win for me and the bean.  heh.

tuesdays are the one day of the week that we have nothing going on, and lately we've been heading out to disneyland to ride some rides and get a little exercise in (like you didn't already know).  but it was nice to have something else to do for a change, and after i got my dose of the 30 day shred done, i got us both ready and out the door.

as soon as we got on the freeway, i noticed that i'd forgotten my wedding ring.  crap.  my hand feels so naked without it, and my thumb kept rubbing the empty spot where it usually is.  then a guy totally merged in front of me without bothering to see if it was clear.   and an old lady did the same thing as she lumbered over four lanes to get into the carpool lane.  then the car ahead of us damn near slammed to a complete stop.  on the freeway.  oh, and that first asshole who cut me off did it again as i was transitioning onto the next freeway. 

i was so frazzled and irritated, i was thisclose to just turning my apparently invisible ass around and going home to curl up into a ball and suck my thumb.  but i wasn't gonna let those jerks foil my plans and ruin my day, dammit.  i couldn't let them win.  so i soldiered on, chatting with the bean and explaining to her that i'd laid on my horn for a full minute because the people on the road are morons weren't paying attention and needed a heads-up. 

by the time we pulled up at the farmers market, i'd calmed down and was ready to have some fun.  i lucked out and found a sweet parking spot, and we rolled into pottery barn kids at the grove for storytime.  but it seemed that the crappy attitude on the freeway spilled over into the moods of the folks who'd brought kids for a story.  all of the little chairs set up were occupied by parents and nannies, leaving almost no room for other kids who were arriving.  and as lilcee and i found a spot to squeeze our kids into, more people arrived and either demanded for us to move or squeezed through us rudely without so much as an "excuse me" or a "sorry."  i swear, manners are completely non-existent in this society nowadays, and when the parents are assholes, that obviously means they're not teaching their kids how to be polite.  ugh.

we were happy to get outta there when it was over, and with about 15 minutes before tater was due to arrive, we decided to take the girls to see santa.  i know, i know, it's not even december 1st yet, but he was there, we were there, and there was only one other kid in line in front of us.  sue me.

the girls were excited, although you can't tell from the look on mini cee's face and the fake, joker-like smile on the bean's.

we weren't really allowed to take pictures inside - obviously, because santa and his elves need to make a profit - but tater (who found us inside santa's workshop) managed to get a couple of the girls anyway.

there was a video camera rolling during each kid's encounter with santa, but with a $30 price tag for a DVD, we skipped it (despite the utter cuteness of watching them walk hand-in-hand to see the man in red).  i opted instead to buy the photos on a flash drive (so high-tech and fancy!) instead of prints, and these are my favorites:

we headed back over to the farmers market to grab lunch, and for me and the bean that almost always means magee's for corned beef.  the others followed suit, and we sat and chatted and watched the girls devour their macaroni & cheese along with slices of meat.  before we were done, both kids needed to hit the potty, and when we got back we found our table cleared of all dishes.  this would normally be totally cool, except that we hadn't exactly finished our meal.  poor tater, she tried so hard to tell the woman that we weren't done, but she either ignored her or didn't understand what she was trying to say.  funny, i thought "no" was pretty universal, but maybe not.  in any case, i'm about to draft a strongly worded e-mail to the folks at the farmers market to unleash the wrath of a woman whose delicious lunch was cleared away way before i was ready to say goodbye.  hmph.

the girls were easily pleased, though - a little ice cream goes a long way.  watching them reminded me of earlier this year, when we met up with nanette and em for lunch at this very same spot.

for the bean, it's not a visit to the grove without a stop at the american girl place.  she let out the most awesome maniacal laugh as we walked in, and had a blast running around with mini cee and showing her all the fun stuff.

i swear, she isn't choking her friend in this shot.  they really love each other.

our last stop was at the coffee bean, where everyone got something to whet their whistle.  the bean lasted for about five minutes in the back seat before she passed out cold.  too bad it didn't last, though - we got home in 40 minutes and the moment i put her down in the house and covered her with a blanket, she woke up and refused to go back to sleep.  drat.

oh!  and only in l.a.:

i'm not gonna lie, i would totally take the teen and rock-ell on this tour.  i bet it's super fun.

storytime with the bean

so i've mentioned before that our local library does a free storytime for toddlers on thursday mornings. our first try wasn't so successful, but yesterday was the third week that we've gone and the bean is starting to get the hang of it.

when we arrive, we go right past this sign and she makes a beeline for the toys:

checks out the fun library stools:

pretends she's mommy at the computer:

then, when it's time to go into the children's room, grab a pillow for her tushie, and take a seat, she's always fascinated with the antics of the other kids as they get settled. she never knows what to look at first.

she sings along to "itsy bitsy spider" and boogies with her little shakers:

she likes to look at this "tree" on the wall:

yay! tons of fun!

the bean's 19-monthiversary is today. damn. and my older baby's FOURTEENTH birthday is coming up quick. she wants to take a couple of friends, get mani/pedis, and have dinner "somewhere cool, mom. where can we go that's cool where we might see some celebrities?"

shit, i don't know. do you?

say "nope" to dope and "ugh" to drugs

today, the bean had her 18-month check-up. i simultaneously look forward to and dread these at the same time - because it's always fun to see where she falls on the charts height/weight/head circumference-wise, but doctor's appointments always mean that she's going to get poked with a needle at least once.

you already know what a wuss i am about these things, time and time again. oy vey.

we arrived a few minutes early, giving the bean some time to play with the toys that kaiser so thoughtfully provides in the waiting area.

i had just enough time to complete the questionnaire, which asked stuff like "can your child say 7-10 words?" "can your child point to at least 3 body parts?" and the ever-popular "are there guns in your home?" heh.

after we stripped her down to just her diaper, the nurse got right to work. and it seemed that the bean remembered this place and the fact that this woman was the one who poked her three separate times with a needle the last time, because she started whimpering and started to cry as soon as the nurse started measuring her head. the hub and i felt awful. i mean, just look at the glare she's giving this nurse!

she measured how tall the bean is, and then we whipped that diaper off and sat her on the scale to see how much she weighs. of course, i've covered up her little baby lumps. this ain't no peepshow, folks.

then she left and we did our best to entertain as we waited for the doctor to arrive.

she took an important phone call:

"yeah, i'm getting measured and crap. it sucks."

"they did WHAT to you? ahahahaha! that blows, dude."

she cried some more when the doc came in to check her out, but it was a good visit. we learned that she only needed one shot this time, and were appalled when we were told that between the ages of 1 and 2, they check for anemia - and have to do a blood draw.

"they just prick her finger for the blood?" the hub asked hopefully.
"no, they have to draw from the vein," the doctor said.

the hub and i exchanged startled glances and didn't even need to consult with each other before deciding to defer till the next appointment. are you effing kidding me right now? they have to find a freaking vein and draw a vial of blood? that's a negative, ghostrider. eff that noise. nuh-uh, no way, no how. you can bite me, dude, you're not torturing my poor child like that. at least, not today.

we discussed nutrition and the bean's eating habits, and i got congratulated for nursing as long as we have. then we were grossed out as the doc told us that her father's little brother was on the boob till he was 9. NINE YEARS OLD! eww!

i needed to take care of something else while we were there, so as the hub and the bean waited for the nurse to return with the vaccination, i tiptoed out and took care o'bidness.

yes, i am a mega super spectacular chicken shit. i'm okay with that. this is why i always make sure to schedule doctor's appointments around the hub's meetings and stuff. yup.

so, the stats: head circumference (actually, the nurse screwed this up a bit. after the doc noted that this was quite a bit above average, she re-measured and found that the bean's head is 18.5 inches around). still up there, though - 61% compared to other kids her age.

height and weight - 83% and 57%, respectively.

she's a healthy one, my little bean.

after we bid goodbye to the hub, who took off for work right after the appointment, i decided to head over to our local library. i'd learned that they do storytime for toddlers on thursday mornings, and i thought it would be something fun to do. plus, it's free! bonus.

we made our way to the children's room, where toys, books, and puzzles were already spread out and being played with by a bunch of toddlers.

when we sat down for storytime, i was happy to note that the first book to be read was one of the bean's most favoritest books ever.

we both know this one by heart, and she sat quietly in my lap and made the animal noises as the book was read aloud. it was a really fun little session, with lots of songs and hand gestures and dancing, but with her recent trauma at the doctor's office, plus her sore little leg from that awful needle, and the dose of tylenol we'd given her before the appointment, the bean wasn't into it. so i picked her up and we got outta there and headed home.

i can't wait for next thursday, though. it'll be much more fun, when she can really get into it and play and clap and dance. you know, when she isn't all doped up on drugs.