Monday, January 4, 2010

today's mood: disillusioned

did you ever believe in santa claus when you were little? well, i didn't, but i think that was mostly a cultural thing. i don't think the whole santa myth was part of my folks' upbringing back in the homeland.

but i digress.

i find myself in a strange position as we begin the new year - i'm happy and excited for what 2010 has in store for the wan family, and yet shit has gone down in the last week or so that is a total bummer. and all of it has been rather eye-opening and super disappointing.

so, back to santa, if you did believe: do you remember how you felt when you finally learned that he wasn't real (hopefully i'm not shattering any illusions here, because if so, you probably aren't old enough to be reading my blog anyway)? i think that if i'd been a santa follower, i might have felt a bit of sadness at the realization that something i so wanted to believe was true...just wasn't. i might also have been a little pissed that i'd been led to believe in something completely fake by people i loved. perhaps i'd have felt lied to, or maybe ended up feeling kind of stupid for being so gullible.

this is how i'm feeling these days. like people i've known for a long time, who i loved and trusted, who i thought felt the same about me, ended up being folks i didn't know at all. and that sucks.

and then other issues came up last week that really bummed me out, much closer to home. i feel foolish, like an absolute idiot for being so blindly trusting and putting all my faith in what i so wanted to believe. it's awful when your trust is absolutely shattered in one fell swoop, with actions that seemed so simple that they should have gone unnoticed. and, actually, for a long time, i guess they did. being a parent is such a wonderful, beautiful, challenging, frustrating, and educational experience. yup, all of that all rolled together. i now know how my mom felt as she dealt with my teenage rebellion back in the day. but in comparison, the little shit i got away with was small potatoes when compared with society and technology available these days. it's so much easier now to pull shit off - but on the flip side, it's just as easy to get busted.

but now, my eyes are wide open and it's going to be pretty damn difficult to get past me (and the hub). clearly, the issues aren't between me and the hub - not by a long shot. thankfully, he and i are united in our views on what's happening and i know that together, we'll get through this and find ourselves in a great position from here on out. these days, these situations we're dealing with, are a test of how strong we are and how well we work together to find solutions and make things not only as good as they were before, but better.

on the bright side, there's still so much love in the house. that's something that i'm confident will never change. we had a wonderful holiday season, a lot of fun over the last few weeks, and we're all still looking forward to what comes next. something about closing the books on the last year seems to offer hope and excitement for what might be in store for us in the new year.

send some happy thoughts/good vibes/prayers my way if you feel so inclined, yeah? i could use it and more to get through what promises to be some tough, not-so-fun times ahead. and i promise, i have fun posts for the rest of the week. today, i wallow.

just today. i'm too optimistic to let it cast a dark shadow for too long.

36 comments:

  1. I am so sorry to hear that you are going through a rough patch. I send positive vibes and a big hug your way. You will get through this. Please keep us updated.

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  2. what your going through sounds so similiar to something i was going through not to long ago. it's tough but you will get through it. i'm sending all my thoughts to you..positive positive thoughts. ((HUGS))

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  3. I hope your day brightens like this blog always brightens mine. Well wishes are sent your way from cold Virginia...

    Just remember that you're doing it all for her own good. You are. She can feel however she may want about it right now, but she will be grateful for it later. You raised her right - she will. I am not that far removed from that time, and as much as I may ahve boo'ed and hoo'ed...I look back at my mom as a hero...who knew what she had to do and did it.

    Ramblings from someone who doesn't really know the sitch. But I hope they're encouraging.

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  4. Sending positive thoughts your way!!

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  5. Lots of hugs for you! I know this will pass and you'll be back to your kickass, latte-sipping self in no time!

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  6. Whatever you are going through, I'm really sorry and hopefully it gets better soon.

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  7. I'm with Mary- she pretty much said what iw as going to say.

    Hugs and prayers friend.

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  8. lots of hugs to you, wan. I hope whatever you are going through gets better. Happy New Year to you, the hub, the teen, and the bean!

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  9. ::white healing light and good prospects vibes to you::

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  10. i would be happy to send some prayers for you and yours!!

    maybe you'll be able to (somewhat) enlighten us on the situation?

    at any rate, i am NOT sorry to see 2009 go!

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  11. Sending you ginormous, monster hugs right now. Without knowing details of what you're going through, I do know this:
    You + hubs + love = pretty kickass team.

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  12. Virtual hugs from a loyal reader.

    When our children are young, we get to witness pure innocence, love, trust, etc. As they grow, they test their boundaries and the strength of those that love them the most. It can be crushing to see the "other side" of our children - who we want nothing but the best for.

    Best of luck to you. Being an adult and good parent can be a very tough and thankless job.

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  13. Sending you good thoughts and a hug.

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  14. Lots of good thoughts and a hug (or two) coming your way.

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  15. Uh-oh. Sounds like someone's in big trouble.

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  16. Sending you lots of positive vibes from a new-ish reader. I'm going through a similar period of disillusionment these days and it's definitely a bummer. I hope things improve soon!!

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  17. Hope whatever you may be going through gets better. Sending positive vibes and hugs your way.

    p.s.
    I really enjoy reading your blog every day.Thank you for sharing about yourself, good or bad.

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  18. I am so sorry things are so rough right now. Being a parent is the hardest job there is. Hugs to you and I hope it gets better soon!

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  19. I keep you in my prayers. You're amazing. You're keeping the feeling of love in the home. That's not something that all parents can do when times get rough.

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  20. i have a teenager too. 'nuff said. (lurker going back into hiding. love your blog!!)

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  21. Sorry you're going through all this right now. It's great to hear that you have the hub standing by your side in this. It will all work out, and I'm sending better thoughts your way that it does.

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  22. thoughts and prayers. sorry to hear you're down. :(

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  23. As long as you and hub (and other parental influences) stay as a team, I'm sure you will be able to get through this. I thought I was a pretty good teen but I had my moments and I think I turned out pretty well. She will thank you later. Trust me.

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  24. big hugs and as the saying goes, "this too shall pass." In the meantime, seems like you've got a great attitude about it all.

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  25. Hugs and lots of positive vibes to you. Good luck :/

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  26. Everyone has pretty much said it all. Good vibes/thoughts/hugs are being sent you starting...NOW! :)

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  27. Sometimes, I wish they came with a manual. (hugs)

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  28. hope you are okay, dear. sending you h+p.

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  29. you're strong, you have great support, and I'm thinking you will be quite alright ma'am. Hugs to you anyways!

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  30. I've never commented here before today but I read your posts & think - I hope my relationship with my (future) kids is like Wan's is with her girls.

    You are a great mom & I'm sure you will work through this matter in the best way possible for your family.

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  31. Uh-oh...this sounds too familiar. Call me if you need to talk...love you!

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  32. h+p, wanna-nator. hope the new year is shaping up better now...

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