remembering our mollydog

it was a year ago on sunday that we said goodbye to molly for the last time.  that night, we went to disneyland for some distraction and to spend some time together as a family.  and so we decided to spend the first anniversary there as well - minus the hub, who was gone for the weekend celebrating a friend's birthday in vegas.

since the old lady and i were the only ones who'd been able to experience the new "rise of the resistance" ride, we convinced the other two to get up early and head down at 6am like we'd done a couple of weeks ago.  and so just before 6:30 we pulled up at the parking structure...along with a bazillion other people.

it took about 15 minutes to finally get parked, and because it was so early getting through security was a breeze.  the trams were running smoothly as well, and we got in line at the disneyland turnstiles not too long afterwards.

they typically don't start allowing guests onto main street until about 7:30, but with the crowds that gather in the esplanade in an effort to get a ROTR boarding pass we noticed movement in the lines about 10 minutes after we'd arrived.  and so by 7:30 we were scanned into the park.

we hadn't loved our breakfast at earl of sandwich last time, so we thought we'd try la brea bakery cafe instead.  as we headed over, i cracked up as i watched the girls walking with their shared boyfriend.

we were seated pretty quickly at the restaurant, and just before the park opened the old lady headed out to get away from the crowds and try to snag those boarding passes for us.  while she was gone the server brought our breakfast to the table.  i'd opted for the pecan cream cheese-stuffed french toast:

along with my most favorite breakfast beverage.

when the old lady returned she was grumbling about a glitch in the app that didn't allow her into the boarding system right away, resulting in us getting into group 116.  anything after group 80 is considered a "backup group," which means we weren't guaranteed to get into the ride.  bummer.  she ordered a bloody mary to drown her sorrows:

breakfast was delicious, and i drained my glass in no time.  i definitely got a little silly, and the bean was not impressed.

apparently i was extra silly, because as soon as we were done the kids steered me right into the starbucks next door for some caffeine.

we walked through world of disney to browse through the merchandise, and i made a mental note to come back and pick up one of these for myself:

our first fastpass of the day was for the guardians of the galaxy ride.  it was fun as always, but we were a little bummed to see that the ride cameras were out of order when we exited.

no worries, though, because we went outside and took our picture.

the incredicoaster was next:

and then we decided to head over to disneyland.  the number of boarding groups being allowed to ride was moving really slowly, so we knew our chances were slim to none - especially since we had to get the bean back home for cheer practice by 6.  oh well.  at least we took some fun photos that day.

the only ride we went on at disneyland that day ended up being star tours, which was extra fun since they recently added new scenery from the latest star wars movie.  from there we watched the extended sneak peek at the newest disney/pixar movie:

had some lunch at pizza planet, capped off with this minty chocolate parfait:

took one more peek at the boarding group status:

and then we stopped in to pick up something for the old lady and i to commemorate the day.  the bean doesn't do jewelry at all, but we ended up choosing these matching bracelets:

so yeah, i know the symbols on those charms represents something totally different.  but that's okay.  for us, they carry a different meaning - a combination of the rainbow bridge that our molly crossed over last february 23rd and how much we're always going to love and miss her.

sweet molly.  i hope you're enjoying doggy heaven.  teddy, cocoa and stevie are here to help fill the vacant space left at home while you've been gone, and i know you'll be waiting to greet us all when that time comes.

peace out, vegas

as we were packing up to leave vegas on sunday morning, i spotted this on the nightstand:

she pretends like she doesn't love cheer...but i know she secretly does.

the hub had a couple of casino vouchers to cash in before we left - one that we redeemed in a machine on the way out of the orleans, and the other we had to make a pitstop at the park MGM to redeem.  he told us to cash it out and then go into eataly one more time to pick up some meat and cheese to snack on as we drove home, and we were happy to oblige.

except that most of the kiosks didn't actually open until 11 and it was only 10:30.  so we decided to shop in the market area, scooping up everything that caught our eye.  the bean made a beeline for one of the few kiosks that was open for business - of course, the nutella cafe.

but i'd forgotten how convoluted the system is here.  you can't actually order your items here - you have to go to the next one over to place and pay for your order...and the line was really long.  gah.  not to mention, the staffers in both spots were moving at a glacial pace.  it was frustrating, but we waited it out to satisfy the bean's craving for a nutella crepe.

oh well.  it gave me time to scurry around the rest of the place looking for more snacks, and when i came across a display of these chips i knew i needed to at least try them.  a full-size bag was $18, but for the low low price of $3.90 you could pick up an individual serving:

and let me save you $4.  they weren't all that.  just a bag of chips.  heh.

once we finally made it back to the car, i went about trying to create little charcuterie plates for everyone.  i knew they had little plates from prior visits, but we couldn't find any and had to settle for paper bowls instead.  and the plastic knife i'd grabbed on the way out wasn't sufficient for slicing up the whiskey maple salami we'd bought:

luckily, the hub found a camping knife in the glove box.  i cleaned it off as best as i could and went to work.  he was pretty pleased with the bowl i handed him a few minutes later:

not too bad for having to improvise, right?  and it was really delicious.  the bean was happily devouring her crepe in the back seat, and saved me a piece.  those crepes aren't particularly pretty, so this is the only photo i took:

the charcuterie plates kept us happy long enough for the hub to get us to baker, where we made another stop at the old lady's request here:

along with our delicious gyros, she was super excited for one of their fresh strawberry shakes.

the hub finished before the rest of us and disappeared for a few minutes, coming back as we were cleaning up.  when we got back in the car, there was something new in the car, placed right between the old lady and me:

after all...it was mother's day.  and still the old lady's birthday weekend.  cheers!

we made one final stop before we got home...at eddie world again, so that the old lady and her special friend could check it out.

and as i went in for a potty break, i noticed for the first time the rather hilarious signage at the restrooms.  look at their little faces!  and the potty dance!

back in the car, everyone settled in for the rest of the drive home.

the hub made good time despite the traffic, pulling up at the house around 3 or so.  and then i remembered one last present for the old lady that i'd forgotten to bring - i'd ordered her these memory bracelets from an animal rescue organization that i'd found online.  every purchase of the little black bracelet on the bottom generates funds that are used to help pay for transportation of shelter animals who are in danger of being euthanized to areas where adoptable animals are in higher demand. 

i chose the one next to it in honor of our molly.  it provides a meal for seven shelter dogs in her honor.  there's a heart-shaped bead and a pawprint one, and the colored beads represent the rainbow bridge that she crossed when she passed from this life to the next.  i cried when i gave it to her, and it's even hard for me to type it out without tearing up. 

anyway, the one on top is for stevie.  it also provides meals for seven shelter dogs and i thought she would like to wear them all together.  she loved all of them, and has been wearing them every day since i gave them to her.

sorry if i bummed you out.  heh.

forever home

okay, i promise this will be the last sad, mopey post about molly.  really, i swear.

about a week and a half after she left us, the hub let me know that the vet's office had called him to let him know that her ashes had been delivered and were ready for us to pick up.  i'd been expecting it as the girls at the front desk had explained that it would take about a week, but it was still hard to hear.  he said that he could go over and pick her up, but i decided that i was ready to go back to the animal hospital, say hello to the staff and take my dog home for the last time.

when i arrived, there were a few other people in the lobby signing in and waiting to be seen.  the receptionist that i'd talked to first when we'd decided to let molly go spotted me right away and came out from behind the desk to give me a hug and hand me a bag that contained the cremated remains of my molly.  one of the other girls came out to give me a hug as well, along with the vet himself who also hugged me and offered his thanks for the catered lunch we'd sent over the previous week.  i'd thought i was all cried out by then, having gone a few days without breaking down, but i teared up all over again.  these folks had all been so good to us over the last year, and i'd become accustomed to seeing them every other day for anywhere from 15 minutes up to an hour, depending on how busy the office was.  it was immensely sad to realize that aside from coming with the old lady for infrequent visits with stevie, i no longer had a reason to be there.

as i walked out of the building, i found that the clouds that had been hovering overhead for most of the morning had moved on, allowing the sun to come out and shine down on me and molly, offering warmth and brightening the day as much as possible given my current situation.  i got in the car and sat there with the bag on my lap, thinking of all the times we'd ridden just like that to and from the vet's office after her doggy dialysis, and i cried all over again.  it was a physical ache just like the day we'd lost her for good, and i sobbed just as hard as i had then.  while we were slowly getting used to the house being a little quieter, a little emptier without her in it, sitting there with her ashes where she used to lay just brought back all of the pain and loss.

it's a good thing the vet is so close to home, because it's awfully hard to drive while crying your face off.  i made it without incident, pulling into the driveway and telling molly we were home just like i used to after all of her appointments.  i took the bag into the house, walked it over to the spot where she'd lay last, and sat down to take a look.  this is what i pulled out of the bag:

the envelope held a sympathy card with a little heart made out of paper woven with flower seeds into it, meant to be planted in a space where the flowers could grow in memory of your lost loved one.  underneath that was a little package that was a complete surprise, albeit a really good one - they'd made a paw print ornament, a final keepsake of our sweet doggy.  and then the box, which i didn't open.  it had a little lock on it and a heart-shaped tag with molly's name on it.

i sat there awhile longer, still crying, missing my dog and remembering how soft her fur was the last time i got to touch her.  and then i finally made myself get up and get on with my day.

that evening the old lady and her special friend came over for dinner, bringing stevie with them knowing that his presence would cheer me up.  he still goes over to molly's corner where her bed used to be, looking for her and still not quite understanding why she wasn't there anymore.

but he definitely brought a little extra happiness into the house with his antics and his excitement and his endless energy.  the hub snuck him some chicken while we were getting ready for dinner, and later on after he'd left to check on the lounge and we were just hanging out at the table, i found him sitting very quietly and very patiently in the kitchen:

i know we'll get another dog one day, and while i'm not exactly ready for that to happen yet i'm slowly coming around to the idea.  i'd told the hub that i didn't want another one after molly, not wanting to experience that pain again, but stevie's visits just prove that this house is meant to have a dog in it.  who knows...maybe we'll even get two.

but not yet.  for now, this is still molly's house.  and we're still molly's people.  we always will be, regardless of what other pets we may welcome into the family.  no one will ever fill the hole that molly left, but hopefully we'll find doggy love again.