reconnecting: the sequel

let's do this yay!/boo. style, shall we?

the bean fell asleep and took a nice, long nap. yay!
she dozed off right as it was time to get ready and go to gymboree class. boo.

we got to pick up the teen from school (it's not my week, but when school's in session, i get to pick her up and take her to her tutoring session), and it was minimum day, so we got extra bonus time with her. yay!
when it was time to take her to the session, there was no one to be found at the tutoring facility. boo.

rather than go back to her dad's right away, she wanted to join the bean and me on our visit to auntie random. yay!
this meant that i had to pick up the phone, call the ex, and damn near grovel to "borrow" the teen for a few hours, since it's HIS week. boo.

he was surprisingly, amazingly, shockingly cordial and had no problem with letting this happen. yay!
the teen and i both agreed that she'd probably face his wrath for our stolen hours when she got back to his house (which, thankfully, didn't happen). boo.

we hit no traffic whatsoever heading down to auntie random's house, out in the south bay area. yay!
this meant we got there far too early, and even looking for a store to buy some flowers didn't kill any time. boo.

she was happy, smiling, and welcoming when we got there, and i thought, "hey, maybe this won't be so weird and awkward after all." yay!
within minutes of entering the house and making the introductions (which was comical to me, considering i'd never actually met this woman before - at least that i could remember), she made a beeline for the phone and dialed up bio-dad, immediately throwing me into a state of anxiety and nervousness. seriously, y'all, i was rooted to the floor, but with what i hoped was a convincing smile on my face. boo.

there was quite a spread of homemade, yummy-smelling filipino food on the table, just waiting for us to dig in. yay!
the teen doesn't do filipino food, and we'd just eaten only an hour before we arrived. boo.

bio-dad, upon learning that we were there for our visit, wasted not a second in asking to talk to me, making me feel a little more at ease about this long-awaited quasi-reunion. yay!
i took the phone with a shaky hand, heart pounding in my throat, while the teen took the bean into her arms and looked at me with nervous, worried eyes. boo.

as soon as i heard that cheerful, familiar-yet-not voice say "hello, anak!" (anak is tagalog for child, and is used in place of "son" or "daughter." my mom calls me this, too), i relaxed and fell right into easy conversation with...my dad. yay!
being that he was halfway around the world, 16-ish hours by plane away in the homeland, there was this funky ass, approximately 3-second lag that made conversing somewhat difficult. boo.

we chatted for quite a while, catching up on each others' lives, cracking old corny jokes that apparently have managed to withstand the test of time. yay!
after 45 minutes, the calling card we were using (because it's cheap as hell to call internationally vs. using regular long-distance service) ran out, i heard "your card has now expired," and the line cut out abruptly before we could say goodbye. boo.

during the conversation, i got their e-mail address (still smirking somewhat at the thought of my dad using a computer), found out that they're preparing to move back stateside early next year, and learned that my brother and sister are already here, living in san diego. yay!
they're living with their mother, that crazy psycho bitch on wheels. boo.

turns out that they'd been trying to track me down over the years, searching for me on the internet - they hadn't forgotten about me after all! yay!
i'm not easy to find via the 'net. i don't use my last name on anything, and besides, even if i did, they didn't know it anyway. boo.

despite my already-full belly, i gave in to auntie random's constant invitations to partake, and enjoyed a sampling of each of the delicious dishes she'd painstakingly prepared for our visit. the bean ate, too, enjoying quite a bit of it. and then she packed up a crapload of to-go containers for us to bring home. yay!
i'm the only one who's going to eat this stuff, and there's enough of it for a freaking army. boo.

we got auntie random's son (i guess he's actually my cousin, ha!) to take a few pictures of us together before we left. yay!
in the whirlwind of packing up, slightly awkward goodbye hugs, and strapping the bean back into her car seat, we never got a picture with HIM in it. boo.

before we left, we made another date to get together for a longer visit, earlier in the day, so that we could avoid the inevitable traffic going home. yay!
the only day that we could do it was the day before auntie random is leaving to move to texas. boo.

we hit traffic on the way home, which meant we weren't going to get the teen back to her dad's on time. she called to let him know, and again, he surprised us by NOT pitching a fit about it. yay!
dropping her off, knowing we weren't going to get to see her for another few days, sucked ass. boo.

and the day ended with a yay!: since we were out in BFE, we got to meet up with the hub and have dinner together, topped off with a visit to pinkberry. YAY!

reconnecting

after nearly three months of silence - because of so many sad reasons - my mother and i finally got together yesterday afternoon.

and while it was nerve-wracking and awkward, it was also just so good to see her again. we've had such a crazy relationship over the years, and i'd classify this as one of the worst, darkest times yet. i love my mom so, and i absolutely HATE not being on good terms with her.

we talked and talked and talked and talked some more - perhaps we didn't come to any real resolutions, but some things that had been held back for weeks, months, even years finally came out. and that was freeing.

i felt sad that she shed tears, and yet i had none. and i'm such a crier - i cry at tv commercials, for the love of crap. i found this really strange.

in the end, while we're not necessarily back to the way we were (and i hope that will come in time), we're talking again. reunited, and it feels so goooooood.

she and the bean got to spend some quality time together, too. it was cute.

and now, having gotten that relationship back on track, i tackled the other issue that you've been wondering about.

i made that phone call this morning. i finally felt ready to do it, although my hands still shook as i dialed the number. and strangely enough, when auntie random answered the phone and we started talking, i didn't feel the awkwardness i'd anticipated.

even more amazing, i learned that bio-dad was the one who gave her the number and told her to call me to say "hi." well, at least he gave her the last number he had for me - which was, of course, the ex's [still current] number. turns out he (AND my half-sibs) had tried to contact me periodically, and after so many months of calling and receiving no answer, they gave up.

i feel like i should be livid that all these years of feeling abandoned could have been avoided, but i'm not. i mean, i know that the ex never answers his damn phone unless he recognizes the number on his caller ID. the teen's told me that before. and so i wonder what possessed him to answer it when auntie random called out of the blue, looking for me.

anyway, bio-dad's been living in the homeland for quite some time now, but auntie random tells me that he's preparing to come back. interesting. also interesting? the fact that two of my three half-sibs have been trying to find me - which, i suppose, isn't all that easy when they don't know what my name is anymore. she asked if it was okay to give them my number, and i enthusiastically told her "yes, please!"

and then i decided to make a date for a visit. i didn't think i was going to want to, but i guess i got caught up in the moment, and she's leaving to move to texas next month anyway. she said that she's been here in the U.S. since 19-freaking-97, and has always wanted to see me.

this changes so much, and answers so many questions. and, most of all, i feel like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. curiosity didn't kill THIS cat. nope. instead, i might be on my way to regaining a lost family i never wanted to admit i wanted back.

meow.