just a moment

weekday mornings are typically pretty hectic at our house.  usually, i take the teen to school and then have enough time to head back home, get the bean ready for school and then drop her off on my way to work.

but this is finals week for the teen.  this means a slight change in the schedule, since school starts just a hair later than usual.  just enough to throw me off completely, leaving barely enough time to get back home, get the bean dressed and have something to eat before we hop in the car and get the day going.

this morning, we picked up rock-ell on the way to school and as always, the car was filled with laughter as the girls cracked me up again and again.  i literally had tears in my eyes as we pulled up to the school.  and just like every other morning, the teen gathered her stuff up, flashed me a quick grin and a "love you" as she exited.

and then at preschool, the bean dutifully gave me my goodbye hug and kiss.  as usual, her BFF came running up to her to give her a hug, and she was swept up into the flurry of activity with her friends.  but as i watched her, she turned around and caught my eye.  i gave her a wink, she winked back (which is really stinking cute, let me tell you), smiled her funny little half-smile, and waved.

moments like those are really quite ordinary, i suppose.  just a few seconds of happiness and love, which i tend to take for granted as they happen a zillion times a day.  but today, for some reason, i thought about them all the way in to work, and all through my four-hour shift.  i pictured the teen and her beautiful smile, heard her voice say "love you" over and over again, smiled at the memory of the bean's wink and wave.  and i thought of how these little flashes of light in my life would only last for so long, as they grow up and move on with their lives.  they won't need me forever - the teen will get to drive herself to school pretty soon, and the bean - well, she won't want to give me those precious goodbye hugs and kisses as she gets older.

it's times like these that remind me that being these girls' mom is the most awesome thing that's ever happened to me.  sure, there'll be times when they'll drive me nuts - and vice-versa - but whenever that happens, all i have to do is remember that smile and that wink...and everything will be just fine.

bitch, moan, whine, complain

against my typical glass-is-half-full outlook, here's a list of road trip bullshit:

i ran out of underwear. yeah. i was so proud of myself for not overpacking like i usually do, too. talk about biting me in the ass.

the bean's potty training, while almost done back at home, regressed in a big way. we went through more pull-ups in the last road trippin' two weeks than the last two months of effort at home.

my stupid skin rebelled against the extra sun exposure it got, breaking out into heat rashes all over. add the handful of bug bites and the constant flow of sweat from the east coast humidity and i was wan unhappy camper. hardy har har.

i found three new moles that weren't there before. after several years of skin cancer articles in glamour magazine, i'm kinda concerned - at least, enough to call for an appointment to check 'em out as soon as we get home. happy vibes and/or prayers welcome and appreciated.

the teen has cemented her stance on vacations with us...still would rather stay home and do nothing.

plus, she got a raging tan line from her tom's shoes that will take all of eternity to get rid of.

i managed to lose one of my favorite earrings.

oh, and i cracked my beloved sunglasses. the hub had bought them for me in maui during our wedding-planning visit, just three months before we got hitched. they lasted me almost five years, though - a record since i typically lose sunglasses.

i wasn't able to meet up with one of my buddies while in NYC. she even had the afternoon free, but we got so caught up in sightseeing that we lost track of time.

we managed to time our visit perfectly for an east coast heat wave that broke 11-year-old records, while it was nice and cool at home.

the grampa car we got saddled with for the majority of our drive offered zero cool features, unlike the hyundai we drove from boston to new york. at least it had a auxiliary jack for our iPods. and good god, it's a gas guzzler.

because priceline only guarantees their rooms to accommodate two adults, the hub got stuck sleeping on the floor more than once. or twice.

the teen never got to take a picture of herself "in two places at once," because the state borders were often on bridges and we couldn't stop.

the bean seems to have inherited her mother's tendency for heat rashes.

and yet, even with all of that stuff...we really did have a wonderful time (for the most part). it was definitely a trip we'll remember forever, and the good stuff FAR outweighed the not-so-good. i wouldn't trade this time with them for anything.

while there were times i wanted to strangle 'em, i sure do love my family. a lot.

crowns are cool

the bean slept right through yesterday's earthquake. heh.

as for me, i flipped out slightly, thinking of what the day was going to bring and fervently hoping it wasn't an omen of how it would turn out. sheesh. so much for my "eternal optimism." somehow, i managed to fall back asleep - for another hourish. the alarm went off at 5:30, and off we went.

the bean woke up just before we left, smiling sleepily and chattering quietly in her car seat as we battled traffic on our way to the dentist's office in arcadia. the stupid ass black cat that scampered across the street as we drove along didn't help my anxiety much. i wanted to get out and kick the shit outta that thing. and as we got closer and closer, i got more and more nervous and tried to cover it up by chatting and smiling brightly for her. she's already figured out that she doesn't like the dentist's (and doctor's) offices, so i guess i was just trying to make everything okay. ugh.

she didn't balk when we entered the office, but she clearly remembered it as she pointed at the plasma on the wall, checked out the waterfall in the corner, and scoped out the video games.

we'd gone to target and bought her some fun new minnie mouse jammies for the occasion, and she remembered as i took a picture of us and she asked to "see 'em?"

the dentist and doctor/anesthesiologist came out to greet us, ask a few questions about her medical history (during which we shook our heads "no" to every question), and check her heart and breathing. she sat quietly and allowed everything to happen without incident, and i hoped that was a good sign. she accepted a bright red bouncy ball and smiled at the staff, and i tried to relax, despite knowing that the anesthesiologist carried a syringe in his pocket that contained the stuff that would make her woozy.

the hub took her into his arms and i tried my damnedest to distract her with a fun book, but she knew something icky was coming. and it was - the syringe came out and was plunged into her left arm as quickly as possible as she screamed out in panic. she wailed and reached out for me, and i took her in my arms, held her tight, and watched her as the crying subsided into a blank stare at the opposite wall. we'd been warned that it could be a disturbing sight, watching the shot take effect and our sweet baby fade into a silent, unfocused lump.

i'm tearing up again at the memory. it really was tough to watch, and i did my best to remember that it was going to lead to great results. after all, she needed the procedures to ensure healthy teeth, and i tried to focus on the positive. but all too soon, the hub gently took her out of my arms to lay her down in the dentist's chair and i followed with blurry, tear-filled eyes. hers were still open, but she was really out of it and when i smiled and waved, blowing her kisses and telling her i loved her, i knew she hadn't seen or heard me.

as soon as she was in the chair, the staff got to work. the hub turned, saw me watching, and walked me back out to the waiting room. "i'll stay and watch - just relax and have a seat out there and i'll come out and keep you posted," he said. one of the assistants saw me and came over with a handful of kleenex, which i accepted gratefully.

and when i was out of anyone's line of vision, i cracked. i bawled like a freaking baby, people. but my vanity never leaves me - i carefully dabbed under my eyes to make sure my mascara wasn't running. ha! not even kidding. i sniffed and wept and watched my tears fall on the floor, and the hub came over to rub my back and let me know that she was doing really well. the IV was in place, she was completely out, and her heartbeat and breathing were strong. i relaxed a little, knowing she was in good hands, and eventually picked up a magazine to flip through as we waited for the pros to do their thang. "she's taped down to the chair, and i don't think you want to see her like that," the hub said. and he was right. i was already in about a thousand pieces after having seen her all drugged up, and i knew he'd watch over her.

the hub went back and forth between the waiting room and where the bean was, giving me updates as often as he had them. and we were thrilled to learn that the two teeth that we'd been so concerned about had healthy roots after all, which meant they wouldn't have to be pulled out and she could just get little crowns on them till they fall out.

right around an hour after they'd begun, dr. eddie came out and announced that everything had gone perfectly. she was moved into another chair one space over, so that she could continue sleeping and they could prep for their next patient. here's where all the action'd been:

she was propped up with a little shoulder roll and a "pillow" for her head, allowing for easy breathing. they hooked her up to another monitor that would let us know when she was starting to come around, and said that the longer she slept, the happier she'd be when she woke up.

he showed us her x-rays, pointing out where the work had been done and also where her permanent teeth were forming, which was really cool. she's got some big toofers coming in a few years. and i couldn't stop looking at her and brushing the hair back from her face. i just wanted to hold her and give her hugs, but i held back and let her sleep it off.

the anesthesiologist saw me snapping away and gathered dr. eddie and his staff to take a group pic. haha! awesome.

after about an hour and a half, the monitor went off and she finally woke up. she looked around with glassy eyes, and i dropped everything and rushed over to pick her up. the doctor came over to check her out and remind us that her coordination and balance would be off in a big way - "keep a hand on her shoulders so she doesn't lean back and fall out of your arms." she didn't say anything and was still out of it, but she was awake and she looked wonderful to me. we wrapped her in the blanket, bid adieu to the office, and headed home.

in the car, she sat quietly and moved her head from side to side slowly while i watched. she picked up one hand and pointed to the cotton ball taped to her wrist where the IV had been: "band-aid? i got a band-aid?" and then she noticed that something was off and opened her mouth wide and moved her lips around. "feels...weird," she said as we laughed. she was still numb from the anesthesia, and kept making funny faces. oh, i was so happy to see her smile.

the faces continued when we got home.

it didn't take long before she decided she wanted to get up and play. i followed her every move, watching her teeter on shaky legs. and she thought her clumsiness was hilarious:

after climbing up and down on the couch and the chair, with me like a shadow, she put out her hand and said this:

she spent most of the afternoon defying the warnings we'd been given: "she's going to be really sleepy all day long and won't want to do much." instead, she was up and around, just like any other day...until about 5:00, when she finally crashed on the couch.

how do you spell "relief"? s-o-g-l-a-d-i-t-s-o-v-e-r.

gonna hurl. or cry. likely both.

by the time you read this, hopefully everything will have gone well and i won't have puked my guts out from anxiety.

the bean is scheduled for her big dental appointment at 7AM and i'm completely freaking out over it. the anesthesiologist called over the weekend to answer questions and give us more details about what to expect, and while the hub seems to be taking it in stride, i am seriously paralyzed with fear.

they're going to give her a shot to numb her, and then put in an IV that's going to knock her out. they'll spend about an hour doing the x-rays, checking the two teeth that brought us in to begin with, and if the roots are still healthy, putting crowns on them. if they're not, they'll extract. yikes! and then they'll do a cleaning and she'll be done.

she'll be groggy for a while, and her coordination and motor skills will be off for a few hours - but since the procedure is so early in the morning, she should be at 95% by dinnertime. and since it's so early, we can just scoop her up out of bed and bring her in her pajamas.

please send your happiest, shiniest thoughts our way today. kthxbai.

bubbles, brothers, and (still) being bad

the bean and i spent day two of "mommy and me" time just chillin' at the casa. she'd gone to storytime at the library with her grandma, and when i walked in the door she'd just fallen asleep. after sitting quietly for the stories and songs, then running amok in the children's section, coloring, and playing with the toys, they went home and had some lunch, and she passed out cold on the couch not long afterwards. she's far from being a difficult child anyway, but i'm really glad she's making it so easy for MIL during this first week.

having missed her like mad and a little bummed that she was knocked out (as usual, i'm super sappy mom, shut up), i sat next to her as she slept and ate my ginormous pastrami sandwich that MIL thoughtfully brought for me from the hat. she'd also picked up a coke to go with it, which i was sucking down like there was no tomorrow until i remembered my vow from the previous day to abstain from soda for a couple of days. oops. well, i'd already fucked it up with the gastronomical concoction i was plowing through, so i figured, eh, whatever. i could (and should have) seriously have stopped eating after i polished off the first half, but nooooo. i just kept on going. ha!

when she finally woke up, she rubbed her eyes, got a nice big stretch in, sat up, and held her little arms out to me. i love when she does that.

and we cuddled for a while before she decided it was playtime, and thrust the bubble wand at me. "buuuu-bowwwww. mom! buuuu-boowwwww!"

then i subjected her to another mini-photo shoot.

later, as i perused my facebook page, a picture of the teen's most favorite boys on the face of this earth caught my eye. their next webcast was scheduled for later that afternoon, and although the teen wasn't around, i decided to check it out.

i sent the teen a text message to see if she was watching, and although she doesn't have facebook, she was indeed tuned in. so [sappy mom alert #2] i continued to watch, feeling as though i were a little closer to her as we sat 25 miles apart and viewed the same thing at the same time. the bean, playing close by, heard the music playing and trotted right over to check things out. she got really excited when she saw the jonas brothers on the screen. "oooooooh!" she breathed.

and then she stared, entranced, for a few minutes before climbing up onto my lap to watch the rest of the webcast with me. the entire hour, folks. hilarious.

after i got her down for the night, i decided it was a great time to have some ice cream. then i remembered the delectable-looking ben & jerry's treats i'd picked up the day before, and i scurried right over to the freezer and pulled one out.

it was a complete dessert, meant to be flipped over and served upside-down. i wondered how that would work out, since it was frozen and stuck inside a paper cup, but those clever folks at ben & jerry's thought of everything: they'd placed a little perforated circle on the bottom of the cup. i poked my finger through, slid the whole concoction out onto a paper plate, and pulled off the cardboard circle that covered the top. or bottom. whatever.

this is "flipped out": peanut butter ice cream with peanut butter swirls throughout, topped with chocolate sauce and fudge chips, all sitting on a layer of brownie chunks. oh mah gah, it was fantastic.

so much for that 30-day shred. pwah!