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Friday, September 11, 2009

operation wean the bean, day two

the bean has been boob-free for over 24 hours now. whee!

last night was rough, but we got through it with a lot of love, help and support from the hub. he's such a star. after spending most of the day at a conference for work, he arrived home after i'd managed to get the bean down for the night. she was nice and relaxed after a fun bubble bath, so she fell asleep easily after getting lotioned up and reading a book or two.

a few hours later, as per her usual, she woke up looking for a little suh-in' suh-in'. but instead of the usual routine of drowsily pulling her into bed, i picked her up to rub her back and rock her back to sleep. she didn't protest too much, but didn't fall back asleep either. the hub took her into his arms, held her close, and then she realized she'd been duped.

"mom! mom!" she wailed, and broke out into full-on bawling. with the little moonlight that came through the window, i could see her holding her little arms out towards me.

god, that was hard. i tensed on the bed, desperately wanting to take her back and hold her, at least to calm her down - and me, too. i remembered this feeling. i'd gone through it roughly 13 years ago with the teen, and it was awful. and like so long ago, i forced myself to stay put and let it happen, knowing that there was a light at the end of that dark tunnel.

it took her a full fifteen minutes to get back to sleep, and when the hub put her back down into her bed, he nudged me to move over into his usual spot. but this time, she woke back up after just a few minutes, and as she cried, he pulled her into the bed and hugged her close. and i just. couldn't. take. it. my own tears came, and as she continued to sob brokenly and make such sad little sounds, my delicate weeping turned into balls-out silent sobbing. you know the kind of crying i'm talking about - shoulders heaving, abs contracting, entire body tight with tension. i really tried to keep it quiet, because the hub had enough to deal with, but either i just suck at it or he just knows me really well. and with me on his other side, we made a hub sandwich as he continued to hold the bean and reached behind to put one sympathetic hand on me, trying his best to comfort both of us. poor, sweet guy.

i laid awake for a while after they'd both gone into a peaceful slumber, trying to focus on all the good things that would come of this process. and, well, okay, here's an awesomely vain confession: i know how my face reacts to crying. if i cry myself to sleep (which i've done a few times in my life), i wake up the next morning super puffy-eyed and the very opposite of attractive. but if i get it all out and relax a little before letting myself drift off to dreamland, it's all good.

and then i was really surprised to wake up what seemed like moments later, when the teen got up to get ready for the day. holy shit, we made it to 6:30! but wow, my chest felt (and still does) like it had a couple of boulders on it. ouch. i didn't think i'd been producing a whole lot of milk anymore, but i guess a full day of not nursing builds up a nice little supply. and here's another confession: while it's not uber comfy, i sure look good. heh. my vanity rears its ugly head yet again.

i'm a pretty light sleeper, so i'm pretty sure the bean hadn't woken up again, or at least didn't cry. her eyes popped open just a few minutes after mine, and when she crawled over her daddy to get to me, she gave me a sleepy smile and croaked out a little "hi!" and when she reached out and said "boob?" i got up, took her cup of milk out of the fridge, and brought it over to her. she sipped from it thirstily, handed it back to me, and gave me a big hug. "luh...you," she said.

i think we're gonna be okay.


  1. fisrt of all i feel so spoiled to be reading two blogs a day! luv it!
    this blog just brought me too tears! i'm so happy for you that it all worked out in the end, and what a sweet hub you have..he's a keeper for sure!!
    go Bean for no boob for 24+hrs!! yay!!

  2. Even this baby-hater is getting all teary-eyed from reading this. Be strong! You can do it.

  3. great news! I'm so happy it went well! Good job mama wan, bean, and hub :)

  4. I cried after reading this post and the prior one talking about weaning the bean. I actually sent it to my husband. I have been EBF my almost five month old and I don't want to think about not having that bonding experience with her. I know eventually we will have to wean her and like you I think it will be as hard for me as it will be for her. She is so dependent on me (which I secretly love), but it is also hard when I have to leave her with others. Congrats on going 24 hours!! :)

  5. You can do it! I'm rooting for you three.. The boulders and the bean!


  6. This part did it for me: '"luh...you," she said.'
    You can do this! :)

  7. Seriously...tears at the end, but see she'll always <3 and need YOU more than the boob ha! Yay for your hub being so awesome, I'm sure he knows how hard this is for you. Keep up the good work!!

  8. awww..i totally got all teary-eyed. i just wanna give you a great big HUG! I hope the weaning gets easier.

  9. Though I'm not a mother, it sounds like you do wonderfully. Hang in there! Oh and so sweet, your hubby and your little one. :)

  10. Oh, I'm glad that it's going OK so far! She just loves hanging out with you anyway, regardless of getting boob time :)

  11. Screw what I said the other day - this is going to go far in making you a strong and independent woman also!

  12. i was done in with the "luh.. you". wah!!!! you're doing so well.

  13. oh wow, i feel for you, totally am not ready for that either =(

  14. I'm still BF'ing my 18 month old and have no plans of stopping until she's 2...but reading this made me sad for the day I'm going to have to! Waaaa! I keep telling myself I still have six more months, but oh man, I know they're gonna go by fast.

    Also, I laughed when I read that the bean asks for boob because my little monkey does the same thing. First thing in the morning when I get her out of her crib ~ "boob?". And last thing at night. I'm ashamed to say I DID teach her that because I thought a) it was funny, and b) it was easy for her to say. Oops!

    Good luck to you guys!

  15. Lurker here- just wanted to offer up a little support and say you are doing a great job!


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