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Saturday, June 7, 2008

comedy of errors

well, at least it was for a good chunk of the afternoon. heh.

since meeting the monkey, i've become a sucker for the twice-yearly paul frank warehouse sale. it's down in the OC, in costa mesa, and is typically in june and december over a weekend - usually beginning on friday. so whenever i get the e-mail alerting me to the next one, i totally plan around it to make sure i can go and see what kind of fun goodies i can score. i've always had to settle for going on saturday - almost always the busiest day of the sale - but this time, i was totally free to head down on friday. whee!

i invited my buddy
MommyBelle, who's one of my oldest and dearest friends. she's one of the few people i can be my true dorky self with, who gives the kookiness right back. and it's even more fun to hang out with her since her son (who she's dubbed "little fat man") is a couple of months older than the bean. we trade stories, ooh and ahh over their milestones and achievements, and laugh about everything from britney spears to the crazy shit our husbands do and say. we met at work, which is where the hub and i first met. good times.

so my friday morning started bright and early - i actually got up, took a shower, and got ready before taking the teen to school. MB and LFM were meeting us at our house, and we wanted to get down there early so we could have our pick of all the best merchandise, before the hordes arrived and picked through all the good shit. and when i got back home, got the bean ready, and started to feed her, the phone rang.

i KNEW it was MB, and from my trusty caller ID, i could see that
her ass was still at home!

"i can't find my moby wrap!"

i told her not to worry - i'm the freaking
QUEEN of baby carriers, with no less than four different methods of strapping the bean to my person. we hung up, and then about ten minutes later it rang again. and this time, i could tell she was on her way, because she was calling from her cell.

"what exit do i get off for your house again?"

she kills me.

finally, they arrived, having left her older daughter at home with a sitter. little princess is three years old, cute as hell, and so damn funny. a few months ago, MB called me and asked LP, "why is brother a boy?" and in the background, i heard LP's response: "because him has a wiener."

i die laughing every time i remember that conversation. every. stinking. time.

we sat there and watched the kids play on the floor for a few minutes, chatting with the hub and marveling at the sheer size of LFM. remember, he was the giant baby i posted here. he's gotten even cuter, and he's crawling like a champ! the bean watched him pretty closely (and, from my last post, you can see how well she paid attention), and then we decided to get going.

"you aren't going to go crazy with the shopping, right?" the hub said.
"oh, no, i'll be good," i promised.

i know you're raising an eyebrow right now.

so MB strapped LFM's car seat in to my car, right next to the bean, and we were finally on our way. about halfway there, the bean started WAILING. ugh. she hasn't done that in a long time, but it was naptime, and we were thinking she was probably a bit thrown by having a playmate sitting next to her in the car. i knew there wasn't anything i could do for her - she was tired, and it wasn't like i could pull her out and rock her to sleep in a moving car. so she cried until she finally tired herself out - and of course, it was only about 10 minutes before we got to costa mesa.

we decided to visit MB's sister, who works as a barista at a starbucks not far from the warehouse sale. she gave us free drinks, and as she visited with MB and LFM, the bean and i settled into a comfy chair in the back so i could give her a snack and hold her for a few minutes. i sucked down half my drink, gobbled up a chocolate croissant, and then we said goodbye and got back in the car.

as we pulled up to the warehouse, i was bummed to see the long ass line waiting to get into the sale. damn. i thought going on a weekday would've made it easier, but not so much. oh, well. we managed to score a parking spot after waiting for this lady to pack her giant, overstuffed shopping bag of PF goodies and sit there, adjusting mirrors, picking her nose, scratching her ass, whatever it was she did that took effing forever before she finally pulled out.

we got the kids settled in our carriers, made sure to bring credit cards and IDs, and made our way to the end of the line. i couldn't help but smile at the colorful building and the big julius sign that adorned it.

i was also looking forward to going into the little PF store located inside the building. they always have their stuff on sale too, during the warehouse sale, and i always find even more goodies in there. one of the girls behind us went in there as her friend stayed in line, and came back with a great bag of stuff, which she showed off to us. and she had LFM model the most adorable little beanie.

we stood there, chatting and laughing, and getting both babies to nap while in line. they were only letting in a handful of folks at a time, every half hour or so, and we were in for quite a wait. and then as we got closer and closer to the front, we heard a siren and turned around to see a fire truck pulling in.


along with the others in line, we grumbled, bitched and moaned over the added obstacle to getting inside - evil, i know, considering the fire dudes were obviously there for a reason. they hopped out of the truck, carrying various cases, and we knew someone must've been hurting in there.

luckily for everyone involved, they were done in a matter of minutes and left as we were finally getting our pink entry sticker from an employee who was awfully chipper. yay for us! and i was amused at the list of rules for the sale. them PF employees are strict, yo.

and then it was finally our turn. we walked in and followed the crowd to the goods.

it was crazy. and HOT. it didn't take long before MB and i were sweating our asses off, digging and hunting through the various boxes for fun stuff like bags, hats, jammies, socks, gloves, and this cool ass diaper bag i'd seen at the little shop on balboa island. dudes, the bag was $12!! and it retailed for $70+! major score.

i just kept chucking shit into my big ass plastic bag, figuring i'd weed through it all once i'd gone through the entire sales floor like i always do. i found stuff for the teen, for the bean, and presents for a friend's son whose birthday is next week. and, of course, i picked up a couple of things for myself. hee!

poor bean. she was still blissfully sleeping for part of my mad shopping, but as i continued to bend, squat, grunt, and heave that heavy bag behind me, i was totally sweating all over her. and, because she is my child, she was working up quite a sweat all on her own. yikes.

MB and i finally found each other again, and after securing a clear spot to go through our bags, we did just that - and i got rid of a shitload of stuff i decided i didn't really need. but i got tired of it about halfway through my bag, gave up, and thought "fuck it, i'll find a use for all of it."

we made our way past the watches, sunglasses and bathing suits (i stopped to look for a fun watch, but didn't see one i liked) and got in line to check out. the first time i came, the teen had brought a wad of birthday cash and picked out a bag full of stuff for herself and BFF. but as the cashier proceeded to add everything up, the total came to FAR more than the money she had.

"how much have you got?" she asked.

after counting through her wallet, the teen muttered "i've got $115.75."

the cashier looked at me, saw my own bulging bag of stuff, and smiled brightly. "you're good! your total's $110." and then when she rang me up, i walked away with a similar discount. awesome.

so i was totally talking up the guy scanning through all the crap i had. he was pretty friendly, but kept saying "i sure want to help you out, i'll do what i can, but i can only do so much." i did see him throw a shitload of items into the bag without scanning them as he grinned at me, which made me smile.

and yet when i took my bag and invoice to the registers, i STILL had FOUR pages' worth. and i about fell over when i saw my total. let's just say that it started with a 3, and ended with an "oh shit what did i just do i better be able to sell some of this stuff on ebay." mm-hmm.

on the way out, i snapped a picture of this adorable julius-adorned scooter.

as MB and LFM waited at the door, i cruised around inside the company store. i saw a whole mess of stuff i wanted, but i'd already spent far too much cash, so i forced myself to stop looking and just leave. so sad.

we loaded the bags into the trunk, strapped the kids into their car seats, and headed back towards the freeway. MB was freaking out because we'd been gone much, much later than she'd anticipated (and told the sitter), and she'd left her phone in the car. i was a little worried because it'd been several hours since the bean had eaten, and i was fairly certain she'd be hungry and cranky.

luckily, MB's sitter was totally cool and didn't mind having been left for several hours longer than she'd planned. i wasn't so lucky - even before we got onto the freeway, the bean started wailing again. shit. i didn't have a bottle for her, MB scrambled to check for an extra one to at least give her some water, but no luck. and so when we got to the next red light, we pulled a (i know this is SO un-PC) chinese fire drill. i hopped into the back seat, MB ran around and got behind the wheel, and i totally morphed into britney spears as i took the bean out and fed her.


but i hadn't shut the door hard enough. so we were on the freeway, in the carpool lane, and my door was locked but not closed all the way. WITH THE CHILD LOCK ON. i couldn't even open the fucking door to slam it shut. but we hit some traffic and slowed to a stop, so as MB laughed her ass off at me, i rolled down the window, stuck my hand out, and opened the damn door from the outside and pulled on it hard. yikes. let's never speak of this again, yes?

we made it back home in record time (even with MB's TWO speeding tickets in a span of a couple of months, heh) and at my suggestion, she didn't bother to unstrap LFM before taking the whole seat out and transferring him into her car.

the bean and i went inside to relax and unwind, and as i ate a hot pocket (so delicious), i sorted through my loot and separated everything into piles.

for the friend's little boy:

for the teen:

the bean's stuff:

and, of course, a few things for me.

i realized as i sorted through that there wasn't really much that i wanted to sell on ebay aside from a pair of slippers and maybe a couple of cute bags. and my free gift - an iPod nano case - is totally going up for sale. i don't even HAVE a damn nano. heh.

i guess i better get to work on drumming up some business.


  1. Ahhahahahah! I am laughing my ass off just thinking about us yesterday. I still can't believe we are allowed to be parents (twice)! You forgot that we almost drove away without my bag of stuff sitting on the sidewalk.

    Next time we are going to have to hire a chaperone :)

    and Fat Man looks like a monkey in that picture

  2. Dude! That's awesome! And count me in for the December sale! I'll be on maternity leave then. Heh, heh, heh...

  3. i wanted to go but am too lazy. i will mooch off my friend's finds, as usual.

    i love that the pink sticker is on the bean's cute butt.

    if you need to find a use for any of that extra stuff, my birthday's coming up in about a month. just sayin'. ;). and i have an ipod nano that would fit in that case. i might even buy a bday gift for myself from you. you know how to reach me.

  4. Hahaha I love the freeway story. Hilarious.

  5. lfm and the bean make quite a fetching couple. just sayin' ;)

    looks like you two cleaned up!

  6. Damn, you did good, woman! Way to clean up house.

  7. Whoa. That receipt is out of control. I bow down to your warehouse shopping abilities.

  8. Omg, I am cracking up re: the explanation of why the brother is a boy! Too funny!

  9. OK, you two crack me up. Holy hell I'd have probably shit my pants at the receipt total too. You definitely scored though.


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