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Thursday, October 30, 2008

i'm at a loss for words

i just received news of the passing of a family member, who'd been suffering from cancer for the last year or so. it seems that halloween is a sad time for our family, as the anniversary of my uncle's passing (also from cancer) is tomorrow.

i am overcome with sadness - she was a warm, kind woman who faced her illness with strength and optimism. and she leaves behind a husband who loved her tremendously, as well as two little boys, both still in elementary school. oh, my goodness, those boys are now facing life without their mommy, who they adored. i can't even find the proper words to express how heartsick i feel over their loss. and it makes me hold the bean a little tighter as she sleeps, and look forward to giving the teen a huge hug when i pick her up in a couple of hours.

however, this leaves me facing a bit of a dilemma. you see, this lady was married to one of the sons of the man who molested me. and since that revelation and subsequent mud-slinging earlier this year, relations with my aunt have been non-existent, at least for me. i only heard the sad news because my mom forwarded me the e-mail that was sent out this morning. and i really want to pay my respects, as this has nothing to do with that family drama, not to mention that i genuinely liked and respected this woman a great deal.

but i worry that my presence will do more harm than good. the last thing i want to do is to be disruptive. i could just plan to slip in and stay in the very back, and try to sneak back out as quietly as possible afterwards, right? i just don't feel right not attending at all, and yet i fear the possibility of upsetting anyone by being there.

rest in peace, M. i know you'll be watching over your boys, and they'll always have wonderful memories of how much you loved them. and may god grant R the strength to go on without you. you were an awesome and loving mom and wife, and you will be incredibly, exceedingly missed.


  1. I'm sorry for your loss. It sounds so cheesy, but really do what your heart tells you . . . [hugs]

  2. I am so sorry for your loss! I agree with Winnie, do what your heart tells you and have no regrets.

  3. :( so sorry wan.

    i can see where this would be a sticky situation. maybe just slip in the back and leave before it's over? tough situation :(

  4. I'm so sorry to hear this sad news. My prayers are with you as you grieve and decide what the best decision for you will be.

  5. i'm sorry that you're going through this. stay strong.

  6. Oh gosh, I'm so sorry for your loss.

    I didn't know about the molestation (so sorry about that as well). I can see where that would make things a little sticky. I think I'd opt for the slip in the back and out.

  7. This breaks my heart. So sad. I'm sorry for your loss and for your family's pain.

    I think you should go and pay your respects. It's the right thing to do regardless of who else might have issue with it. You would be there for your Aunt M not everyone or anyone else. Maybe, hopefully, people in the family who've caused the drama will see that one day. If you don't go you will always have a twinge of guilt or regret over it. You are strong and can survive any criticism you might get for showing up.

  8. I'm so sorry for your loss. I don't have any sage words of advice, but you and your family are in my thoughts.

  9. Oh, I am so sorry to hear this. :( I don't have any advice, but I am confident you will do what is best.


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