wan-na find something?

Thursday, September 4, 2008

reality check

one of my oldest and dearest friends, MommyBelle (no, i don't mean that she's old as dirt or anything, i've just known her forever), gave me a great little pep talk yesterday that made me realize that perhaps i've made it sound as though i'm thinking that i'm going to be part of a brand-new big ol' happy family.

fuck no. past history has taught me a lesson that's going to be damn hard to forget.

while i'm cautiously excited about having reconnected with dear ol' dad (via telephone, at least), i haven't forgotten that this could have happened a hell of a long time ago. when i'd fled the house of evil (the ex's, of course) so many years ago, with only the things i truly needed, i'd left behind tons and tons of stuff - like address books, the teen's baby book and pictures, my own box of childhood pictures, and other sentimental crap like that. the ex was pretty bitter and angry back then and wouldn't let me go back to pick up anything i'd left behind. and bio-dad was always freakishly paranoid about keeping his number and address unlisted. so i had no way of finding him - but he still had my information.

i still think it's odd - why would auntie random have decided to find me now? especially since she's taking off for BFE (sorry, ssinca!) next weekend. it's not like we were going to be able to build any kind of lasting relationship. and she's been in that house since 19-freaking-90 - only a half-hour's drive away.

and bio-dad's excuse of "we've been so busy, sorry we didn't call sooner" was weak. "busy"? for twelve freaking years? as nanette says, lame-dash-o.

oh, well. i'm just going to take MB's words to heart and take it slowly. we'll see what happens as time goes by and bio-dad's return to the states gets closer. i already sent him an e-mail yesterday with some pictures of the wan family, and i haven't heard back from him yet. shocker.

thanks, MB, for pulling me back down to earth.

oh, and i love you, too!


  1. You just never know with these types of things. Good to proceed cautiously. Good advice, MommyBelle!

  2. I think contact, even late contact, is better than no contact.

    Things could be much worse. At least your father is actually alive and well.

  3. Not giving you the Teen's baby book is unforgiveable. Even though men aren't as sentimental, bio-dad should've forced this issue with the crazy ex. No excuses. I got sick to my stomach and heartsick at the same time reading that you were robbed of the book. I couldn't let that one go. My mom thought my baby book was missing for close to four years and it permanently changed her thinking it was gone. When I found it she felt like she'd had a limb re-attached.

  4. i can totally understand where you'd be cautious. still wishing you lots of love and luck with everything that happens. :)

  5. I'm glad you are realistic about the situation and have a good head on your shoulders.

    and the middle of nowhere isn't THAT bad...especially not for just a visit. ;)

  6. Good luck, no matter which route you choose.

  7. I agree - sounds like it's time to be cautiously optimistic, even if it's "lame dash o." ;)

  8. cautious is good. but i think this is a good step overall.

    ps. lumpia? come on. hand it over, lady.

  9. MB has a good head on her shoulder. I'm glad she's looking out for you.

  10. Hey! You're older than me birthday princess.

    Thank you for the lovely compliments...I should've known you'd have the rose colored glasses off.

    Remember that you can always be part of our "Big o'Happy Family" anytime. You could be my mom's heart ;)

    Love you!

  11. Keep a sane head about things and take them as they come. Hope for the best but expect the worst.


i heart comments. i wan-na hear what you have to say.
um, i think.

squeezing in all the sightseeing

this was our NYC home for a whole week: it was one of only a few hotels that i could find that offered two beds in a room rather than, say, ...